Story from a daughter, 8/17/07 - So now I feel I am the one with the problem though I know fully well that I am not. It drives me crazy because I know this is affecting her quality of life...

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Re: Story from a daughter, 8/17/07 (Score: 1)
by LizB ((none)) on Monday, September 03, 2007 @ 19:13:51 ICT
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I may have part of the solution. Bc, I try everyday with my own problem with my mother. Just do the opposite of what she does. I am totally anal about every piece of material in our home. I live with my mom, and my brother. I cannot have a single item in the wrong place, and I certainly cannot have any little bit of excess on display. We have too much junk! I may be part of the problem, bc I am a compulsive purchaser of goods. Though, I have gotten better fr. the way I used to be. I am still a terrible enabler to my mom. We have enough stuff, and adequate types of stuff. We, even, have stuff that should have never been granted entry. - Oh, we have alot of those kinds of stuff, too. I love my mom dearly, but it is so obvious she likes stuff/junk/excess material belongings above all else, and expecially above us. No holds barred - Anytime you mention cleaning the excess junk (Which I absolutely DESPISE!) - She has a serious cow! - As if her life was at stake, and will end if any bit of 'her things' are gotten rid of in any one way or another. Oh, and my things are totally hers, too. - i.e. She absolutely SCREAMs like a screaming mimi if I get rid of any kind of junk that is/was exclusively mine to begin with.

I wouldn't encourage her. Everytime I see something new, I would just absolutely act like it was an abhorred hideous mistake to shop again.

My mom hasn't shopped for a single piece of nice clothing for herself since 1991. She totally sacrifices for our each and every need. But, having living spaces in place of these areas of great massive storage spaces that are hideous and apalling are a real challenge around here. She could even make room for nice stuff for herself, but she prefers junky goods boxes, instead. I guess to look at it on the bright side, or counting our blessings: She has stopped smart/spur of the moment/or anything else type of shopping almost entirely altogether. Though, she has a gambling addiction, and emotional disturbance problem (matter-of-fact: oppresive tendencies), I see nothing else, but waiting for me to financially make it one day.

Just work one day at a time even if things need baby steps, just do it. Start by conversing about your concern. Then, offer to share quality family time with her in organizing, sorting, pitching, and reapportioning physical material matter around 'your precious living environs'. You can have nice conversations of reminiscing (oops! may not help, but try), and strategizing in the process. Then, complement, and treat mom when major tasks have occured.

Absolutely, do not purchase a thing! Focus on more quality of time, and less on quanitity of material goods. Pay for services, and activities rather than on junky teeny pieces of oppresive 'goods'. That word is such a misnomer.

Good Luck in your endeavor. Please, pray for mine.