Story sent in from daughter 8/27/07 - Note from webmaster: When stories are sent in anonymously we don't know how to contact the author, other than to make comments attached to posted story.-FRC. I am now the problem. I am in my 4

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Re: Story sent in from daughter 8/27/07 (Score: 1)
by LizB ((none)) on Monday, August 27, 2007 @ 18:37:52 ICT
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I would not under any cir*****stances give-up. It is soo easy to just walk back and forth to put things in order. An acquaintance of mine, and I laughed and joked about it. You feel like a chicken with its head cut off, but that's how you get things in order!

You and your local recycling company may petition to your local county comissioner, mayor, and/or other administrative rep to start a state funded and/or charitable drive regular one day every other week recycling pick-up in your township. We have one in our community for $35/mo. They provide you with three bins; red-plastic/aluminum cans, white-paper, and blue-glass.

I am 34, and I live with my mother, who is a type B hoarder. I, myself, am a type C hoarder. I wish we didn't have this problem. I wish it looked like we actually like people! :( Though, we do not have to clear paths to reach anywhere, and we can sit in any dozen of number of places! :)

On the bright side, apparently it looks as if it is identifiable, to the very least! :)

Re: Story sent in from daughter 8/27/07 (Score: 1)
by Lisa (goober@hooser.com) on Monday, August 27, 2007 @ 21:12:20 ICT
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Of course you don't know how to fix it. You are a product of how you were raised. Becoming an adult doesn't mean that you magically know how to behave like one. I know- I was there too.

The first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. Then you need to get serious. I know you feel that you are already [deadly] serious but part of fantasy thinking is thinking that things will somehow magically get better. The plain truth is- you need to MAKE them get better. It's not hard, but it seems hard because you don't have any practical experience to refer back to. Do you say "someday" this or "someday" that? Yeah, me too. And so did my mom. Some day never came when I was a kid. As an adult, I never thought I had what it took to make "someday" happen. But someday isn't this big, intimidating, change-your-entire-life all at once event. It's little snippets of things that produce pleasant, bonding memories (with your kids). In my case, just taking my niece out for dinner and a half an hour at a playground makes her happy and makes me feel so damn good! It really doesn't have to be a huge trip to Disney World- little things COUNT! I'll bet that since you can't have the all the neighborhood kids come over and hang out it depresses you and then you probably don't do much of anything at all. That's a small step that can be changed. Stop apologizing for what isn't and celebrate what is! And live consciously and in the moment!

The squallor isn't half as important as your attitude towards yourself and your children. They know you are depressed. They feel the helplessness of it and they want you to be happy. You know- you were there as a kid too. Turn it around! You're great! The squallor sucks, but You Are Great! You care enough to feel bad. Do you know how head and shoulders above other people in the same situation that places you? YOU CARE!

Here are some things that I didthat helped me: I got counseling which helped me catagorized my problems. My counselor helped me sift through the spewage that poured out of my mouth and start chipping away at things one at a time. Then I got psychotherapy which helped me focus my pain where it belonged and helped me see things correctly and not from the warped perspective I was used to. I also take an antidepressant and I believe in it as a helping tool.
I make myself get out of the house. It is EASY to stay inside and feel hopeless. It's HARD to do something about it. Being alone is the worst. for you, I would suggest making your kids your #1 focus in actions and well as feelings. Schedule your time ahead of time. Keep an engagement calendar and fill it up with activities. Do you keep your schedule free because you think you should be home cleaning? And then when you are home do you find yourself doing anything BUT cleaning? Make yourself busy! Busy people HAVE to be organized and it sort of happens naturally.
I really feel for you because I know you don't want to be the person you are right now. Your upbringing was such that you were never able to realize your truth self or potential. And now you're trying to raise children of your own when you haven't had the experience to know how to do it. But life is soooo forgiving- it truly is- and every day is a brand new day with all the opportunity to make all the changes you want to make. And you don't have to do it all at once- (Perfection is a myth!) a little bit everyday will eventually show you the way.
I don't want to sound callous, but if you are seriously considering "ending me" as an option, then what do you have to lose by seeking out counseling, making yourself busy, focusing on your children and counting your blessings?
Please take care of yourself. There are so many of us out here like you, and we are "getting there" little by little. You can too! Do it for YOU and then do it for your kids so that they aren't writing a letter like yours someday.
And stay with this site- WE CARE!

Re: Story sent in from daughter 8/27/07 (Score: 1)
by laumau on Wednesday, August 29, 2007 @ 23:46:39 ICT
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You might want to check out Squalor Survivors. It's a very supportive website for people living in squalor who want to get out- and they do get out!

www.squalorsurvivors.com

Re: Story sent in from daughter 8/27/07 (Score: 1)
by gods-girl on Monday, October 08, 2007 @ 15:02:41 ICT
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Yes I agree you need to check SS out I am on there it helps me. I will post that i would like someone to help me clean my kitchen so one will post me back and help me by kleaning theirs. so i dont feel alone and overwhelmed as i know that i am not doing it alone. I just think of them cleaning theirs up and its like a friend coming over to help. keep hanging in there you are worth it.

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I am now the problem. I am in my 40s and am bringing up my children in the same squalor...

I am now the problem. I am in my 40s and am bringing up my children in
the same squalor...