Story from a daughter - MESSAGE SENT THROUGH WEBSITE This form was submitted: Jan 14 2008 / 17:24:09 daughter I am 37 and married with two daughters. My mother is a hoarder and has been since I was a sma

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Re: Story from a daughter (Score: 1)
by trey2007 on Thursday, January 17, 2008 @ 16:43:37 ICT
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Wow, i thought i was the only married person too ashamed to bring my husband and children to my familys house. Its such a shame that we have to live this way. I feel your pain. My mohter not only hoards inside the home, but she also hoards animals. There is feces and dog/cat hair all in the house. It is a disaster. If my parents could afford another home, i would call the health dept on them, but unfortunately they cannot aford to move and the home they live in now should be condemed. Its heartbreaking for me to go there.

PLEASE HELP! (Score: 1)
by childofhoarders on Thursday, January 31, 2008 @ 01:46:01 ICT
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I am an adult woman who can't figure out how to convince my parents that this is not healthy and that it has become a problem that now DOES REQUIRE their own children to step in.

I fear they will be extremely upset and tell us it is non of our business- but it is affecting our family on every level.

How do we get them to actually DO THE WORK?

My goodness. reading everyone's posts is like reliving my childhood.

I grew up with all these same stories-no friends allowed over, opening the door the tiniest crack when the paperboy rings to collect, blinds always down so no-one can see and feeling like you live in a cave. the smell of cat urine throughout the house. parents constantly telling people that the house is "such a mess" because they have children.
Not wanting to come home for college break. Using a disgusting bathroom every day where you have to use a bucket to shovel out the water from the tub and into the toilet since the tub doesn't drain...etc... I grew up thinking that this was all normal. When you run out of places to stack things put up another card table for all the papers. saving things like the rings on milk jugs, every type of container imaginable (pill bottles, film cannisters).

I could tell a thousand stories. My sister and I talk about this a couple times of year. what on earth we can do and try to figure out if we can help them. They have their first grandchild now and my brother won't even stay at their house. What kind of memories is she going to have of grandpa and grandma?

We are at such a loss for WHAT TO DO. They are constantly telling me that I need to remove the couple of things I have in my old bedroom (so they can put more storage units in there). Bizarre excuse for the room being packed with junk that's not mine. There is just a path to a closet in another bedroom. The bedroom that they put the -only relative who will still spend the night-in.

It's both parents who hoard so they just blame the other one. The house is huge (with a full attic and full basement and 3 car garage) so the real impact of all the things they have is hard to fathom.

I have cleaned my own possessions up only to find that my mother has taken them out of the trash after I left. Also she yells at me for throwing things away that are broken and belong to me. It is absolutely unreal sometimes! They tell themselves all sorts of lies-that they are only holding onto certain things for us (such as couches the cats have peed all over, etc...)., that bills weren't paid on time because the other one moved it from "their piles".

I had no idea so many other people had to deal with this as kids. even writing this I feel guilty for talking so openly about it.

My parents are in their 60's, very intelligent, kind, well educated people. I have no idea how to approach this. They are able bodied and able minded adults so how do we go about this?
It is so overwhelming and makes me upset to think that in 10-20 years all that was ever important to them will be buried under all this junk and we will NEVER bother to look at these things. This is going to get soooo much worse-we know it but what can we say? They need a dumpster in the driveway to physically get the things out of the house but how do you convince them to do the emotional work? This is just crazy. How on earth do you bring this up? They don't see a problem. Infact she insists on hosting family dinners..

I don't want to go to their house anymore but am afraid then they will hold onto more things when they realize what they have done to their relationships.

I have looked at workbooks, techniques, etc. but they enable each other so any progress is undone.

HAS ANYONE HAD ANY SUCCESS IN APPROACHING THEIR OWN PARENTS ABOUT THESE ISSUES?

I am all ears.

It's sad to think that when our parents die we won't have the usual things for comfort because they have been so neglected.

It is absolutely exhausting being in that house with all that CRAP everywhere. I can't image how they feel on a daily basis.