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| Donat-o-Meter Stats |
| November´s Goal: |
$100.00 |
| Due Date: |
Nov 30 |
| Amount in: |
$10.00 |
| Balance: |
$9.41 |
| Left to go: |
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| Donations | | | 2much $10 Nov-10 |
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It angers me because now 'her' problem is
spilling over into our life. She can hoard and live in chaos if she
wants to, but I don't want her sickness to start affecting us. I want to
be able to see what I have in my freezer and have easy access to it,
now, because of her, my freezer is almost packed full...
***
I think it's my husbands place to tell his mother 'no' or
'enough' but so far he hasn't. He knows how I feel about it. Anybody else
w/this problem?
MESSAGE SENT THROUGH WEBSITE
This form was submitted: Feb 13 2008 / 11:01:11
feedback =
I have known about my mother-in-law's hoarding since before
my husband and I were married. While we were dating he was very
embarrassed for me to see his mother's house. Both of my parents always kept
(and still keep) their house orderly and clean. Everythings always in
its place, so that's how I was raised as a child and that's the way I
live as an adult.
The first time I saw my mother-in-law's house I was
in shock. It was the most filthy, chaotic mess I'd ever seen and felt
sorry for my husband for having to grow up like that. But over the
years, I've learned to just accept my mother-in-law for who she is... I
love her, we just never go to her house.
Recently she has started asking
if we could keep things in our deep freezer for her. It started about
2 years ago and she continues to ask if she can store things in our
freezer. She has her own freezer, but it's packed full and she has no
more room. I don't know why she buys more when she hasn't eaten or u
sed what she already has!!
It angers me because now 'her' problem is
spilling over into our life. She can hoard and live in chaos if she
wants to, but I don't want her sickness to start affecting us. I want to
be able to see what I have in my freezer and have easy access to it,
now, because of her, my freezer is almost packed full. The stuff she
has put in there, stays there... some stuff has been in there for 2
years! Don't hoarders know that food spoils over time, even in the freezer
- why do they purchase it if they're not planning on eventually eating
it????
I think it's my husbands place to tell his mother 'no' or
'enough' but so far he hasn't. He knows how I feel about it. Anybody else
w/this problem?
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Posted on Wednesday, February 13, 2008 @ 19:09:24 ICT by Donna
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No Comments Allowed for Anonymous, please register |
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Re: Story sent in from spouse of COH (Score: 1)
by Donna on Wednesday, February 13, 2008 @ 19:39:06 ICT
(User Info | Send a Message) http://www.childrenofhoarders.com | A response to this story from a member of the COH Yahoo Support Group:
=================================
I have that problem in a round about way - it is my mother that is the hoarder - and she has to live with me now because her house is uninhabitable - I won't let her hoard in my house
- and your hubby is putting you in a bad place - he is enabling her and forcing you to have to do the same thing - and if he was raised that way as I was, he may have some of the tendencies of hoarding that perhaps he has to fight against, as I do
- but I would put your foot down - maybe you can do it in a nice way - that you guys need the space in your freezer- or lie and say that the power went out or a fuse blew and you didn't know and the stuff spoiled and it has to be cleaned out - then at least it can be cleaned out - but that won't solve the problem -
she will want to do it again - plus there is the issue that she is most likely living in a house that has spolied or rotten food in it that poses a health risk - I know it is hard to fight these people -
I have been dealing with it my whole life - it is hard enough to leave them to their own devices - but I absolutely would not allow it in my home - those are my thoughts - |
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Re: Story sent in from spouse of COH (Score: 1)
by Donna on Wednesday, February 13, 2008 @ 20:43:55 ICT
(User Info | Send a Message) http://www.childrenofhoarders.com | ANOTHER COMMENT SENT BY A COH IN THE YAHOO SUPPORT GROUP:
=======================
I would maybe start with the little white lie and then segue into a explanation that now that the freezer was cleaned out, you realize how much you need that space and that you will not be storing anything for her in the future. Unfortunately it might fall on you to tell her this if you husband is unwilling. If you don't take this step, your MIL might start hoarding other items at your house. |
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Re: Story sent in from spouse of COH (Score: 1)
by jcsgreenthumb on Thursday, February 14, 2008 @ 16:45:31 ICT
(User Info | Send a Message) | I went through this exact thing with my own mom. It is really difficult and yes, it really is your husband's responsibility, but setting boundaries is the only way to keep the hoarding at bay.
I now live out of state, but in the past I simply told her I need my freezer for my own stuff.
Since you are already storing her things, you can simply tell her you need your freezer and ask her when she can come get her food. Don't ask if...
She would also commit to bringing food someplace and want to fix it at my house... again, sorry but _____________.
Believe it or not, but setting boundaries with my mom has actually improved our relationship. I guess she knows where I stand and has learned to live with it, and I know I won't have to deal with some of the issues that caused conflict in the past.
A funny story about all this... she bought some painted kitchen type chairs at a garage sale once and put them in my garage (pre boundary setting days). She never got them and my stepdaughter wanted to paint one for a class at school (she was an art major), so I told her to go ahead... I just played innocent when my mom asked about them, but she never asked to store anything at my house again :)
Wishing you the best!
Jeanne |
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Average Score: 5
Votes: 1
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