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Growing Up Stories: Story sent in by Son 
Growing Up COH and Adult COH Experiences

I hope the future holds better things for kids who put up with this.
It's really NOT right to make them put up with it in some cases. Losing
custody might be too much, but there SHOULD be punishments for these
parents so they don't think it's their choice to make kids live in misery
and lies. It's a very serious mental disorder in my experience, and our
tolerance of it as a society is somewhat odd to be honest. We don't
tolerate beatings, or sexual abuse, but we tolerate the verbal abuse, and
parents who give their kids a future of stress and disorder. Everyone,
all the relatives, simply look at that family as eccentric, instead of
living in crisis. It's sad no one realizes how horrible this is yet
for the innocent kids....



Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted on Friday,
March 14th, 2008 at 11:16 PM.


Relationship : son
Source : google
Message : My parents were co-hoarders, I guess, all through my
childhood and to this day. It's the most violently strong with my mother. For
example, she will explode if you clean a room, shower you with abuse and
tears, and make such a scene that for most of our lives it hasn't been
worth it for anyone to try and keep a clean (other than food so
there's not pests) house. At the same time she blamed the messiness on other
people. It was a catch-22 tornado of cruelty towards most of the
family... we couldn't clean, and we were being blamed for not cleaning. My
father is to some degree a hoarder, but unlike her if he wants he can
clean things up. He seems totally comfortable either way. She most
definitely has never been as long as I've known her, comfortable in normal,
orderly, cleanliness and has a violent, irrational reaction to keeping
her home clean.

I have no idea what caused this in her. She's a hard person to talk to
to this day. I only know how it's affected me and the other kids. I
know hoarders are extreme about their position and don't want to get help.
However, if you are one please realize what is happening to you DOES
hurt the people you love and you are responsible for it. I have no
sympathy for my parents after they destroyed my chance at a normal
childhood. "The lie" we lived with as children, (which means hiding the house's
mess from the world)  has caused me to be intermittently depressed and
neurotic much of my life. Lying about yourself isn't normal. Having to
avoid people coming over your house isn't normal. Being as afraid of
people's judgment as your crazy parents isn't normal. I'm a sensitive,
kind person, but I'm also so upset about what they did. People talk about
every kind of abuse these days, and I feel this is a kind of abuse if
you subject your child to a chaotic disorder like this. To me it's as
bad as if they hit me. The verbal "lie fights" where they assert there's
nothing wrong with them and I should shut up, and how often my mother
would channel her aggression and verbally abuse people probably because
of her frustration... these things were real. These things were part
of the truth. Someday I'll probably be less upset, but I'm still a young
man, and still remember what happened.

I hope the future holds better things for kids who put up with this.
It's really NOT right to make them put up with it in some cases. Losing
custody might be too much, but there SHOULD be punishments for these
parents so they don't think it's their choice to make kids live in misery
and lies. It's a very serious mental disorder in my experience, and our
tolerance of it as a society is somewhat odd to be honest. We don't
tolerate beatings, or sexual abuse, but we tolerate the verbal abuse, and
parents who give their kids a future of stress and disorder. Everyone,
all the relatives, simply look at that family as eccentric, instead of
living in crisis. It's sad no one realizes how horrible this is yet
for the innocent kids.


Posted on Saturday, March 15, 2008 @ 12:23:50 ICT by Donna
Story sent in by Son | Login/Create an Account | 1 comment | Search Discussion
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Re: Story sent in by Son (Score: 1)
by What2do on Saturday, March 15, 2008 @ 23:18:14 ICT
(User Info | Send a Message)

...eccentric, instead of living in crisis.

That's it, no one knows what to do. It's too uncomfortable, and when it comes down to it, someone will have to deal with it. So, everyone ignores it until that happens, and hopes it isn't them. sincerely, the single daughter

And it's usually gradual. They justify it as you grow up... "at least our house is "lived in"... All you know growing up is.. what you know. You grow up learning how to recycle, be resourceful, organize things... When do you start seeing it as different? What is normal? When does it become abuse? Who do we authorize to make that determination? The neat freak on the other extreme? I don't think it's something we want fixed as a "society". Who do we blame? Their parents?

Who taught them to clean? I remember being told to clean my room... I don't recall having a standard that I was to attain, or any guidance. I remember being sent to my room to clean it, and becoming consumed in my own stuff... much the way I think she does now.. if she tries.

I remember my Mom waxing the livingroom floor on her hands and knees. I remember when she got a dishwasher. But I remember standing at her dining room table as a young adult, puzzeled by the clutter, picking up a dried piece of *****tail style pumpernickel bread, and asking: What are you going to do with this?? Sadly, that was over 20 years ago.

What do we do with our anger? our frustration?




 
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· More about Growing Up COH and Adult COH Experiences
· News by Donna


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