I have thoughts of moving to another home somewhere
way out of state so I don't have to get dragged back in to have to
clean up somebody else's psychological messes, as if I haven't already been
neglected in life enough that MORE of my breathing, living moments
have to be wasted because of another's actions. ..

Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted on Monday,
April 28th, 2008 at 11:42 PM.


Relationship : My mother
Source : Dr Phil
Message :

Our basement leaked for my entire life.  Last year my mother
paid to have it waterproofed, however, she kept the entire pile of wet
stuff from all those years.  The mold is unbearable. 

I grew up with
SERIOUS allergies, and I was VERY upset when she tried to give me a teddy
bear that was mine 35 years ago and had been moldy for 30 years of it
in the basement from getting wet.  She actually thinks that because it
was mine as a child that I hold some connection to it even though it
isn't even healthy enough for me to be with now. 

Ironically, as kids,
our mother would donate our things that we regularly used to another
church's youth group.  Things would magically disappear from our closets
without any consent.  I was paired with a girl from that youth group, and
she had all of my clothes on, and I freaked out. 

As an adult, I do
not have the hoarding of useless things going on, but I do have clutter.
  The thing that is really getting me now, is that my mother is looking
to put an addition onto that house, and the reality is it is a waste
of money because when she passes on, I am just going to bring a
bulldozer and bury it all.  That is the state of things. 

My sister didn't fare
as well as me and she collects useless stuff and her front teeth are
so sickly dripping black and red oozing crud and she does nothing about
it.  It is as disgusting as the mold in the basement.  I do think my
sister will die before she gets to age 40 over some dental infection that
she ignores, like my mom ignored us and the mess.  For me, I often
thought I was swapped at birth, because I can keep a file cabinet, and I
like a clean home. 

I have thoughts of moving to another home somewhere
way out of state so I don't have to get dragged back in to have to
clean up somebody else's psychological messes, as if I haven't already been
neglected in life enough that MORE of my breathing, living moments
have to be wasted because of another's actions. 

I am turning 40 this
calendar year, and I was NOT ever allowed to have a birthday.  I'm not even
sure I know how to celebrate.  I have very few friends because many of
them are made when you are young, and because of the mess, that wasn't
allowed.  Now, I am an adult with fibromyalgia and I am fully
disabled, so I have no social circles left to even make any friends, and I have
no old ones to fall back on.  I figure I have nothing to lose if I
pack up and start new somewhere else.  It is a cruel vortex, and I don't
want to get sucked back into the black hole.