I've almost come to terms, after losing my dad to a long fight with
cancer and a brother to suicide, that there are worse things than her
messy, cluttered home.  But it is extremely shameful...

MESSAGE SENT THROUGH WEBSITE

This form was submitted:  Aug 28 2007 / 17:32:20

story =

Wow. I never knew there were so many of us out there. This site
has caused an epiphinay for me. I realize how many of my issues during
my whole life of 47 years stems from my mothers hoarding: Low
self-esteem, never feeling good enough, anxiety, depression, social problems,
shame, shame and more shame. I've gone through years of counseling and
never realized this was the basis for my primary problems. I am
horrified at the thought of some of my friends or my husbands family finding
out/seeing the house. (Shame)

I think the feeling that from my mothers perspective, it seems things
matter more to her  than people do or her  children do and this is the
worst thing about how this aliment affects the children.
Every post I've read has something I could have written. My 80 year old
mom has struggled with this for years and it's never going to change.
I have real dreams during the night where I dream I am living in my
childhood  home and it's clean and tidy, like all my friends homes. It is
the best feeling in the world til I wake up and realize it was just a
dream.

I've almost come to terms, after losing my dad to a long fight with
cancer and a brother to suicide, that there are worse things than her
messy, cluttered home.  But it is extremely shameful. And I think it
somehow robbed me of a normal childhood. I have a very nice,clean neat home
that I am proud of and take care of. I almost feel like my mom thinks
I'm the one who's wasteful by spending time cleaning and decorating my
house.  But I want to make my family, friends, visitors feel welcomed and
cherished by how I accommidate them. 

I will have to clear her house out one day. It will be my pentance for
all my mistakes, I guess. I visit my mom (21/2 hours away)monthly to
make sure it hasn't gotten  any worse than the last time I visited. When
I go, I clean the baths, empty the dishwasher, load it,clear some
walking paths,etc. I know she can't do much these days, but, it has always
been this way, even when she was my age! 
I call her every single day. My older brother lives with her now and
hopefully he could find her if anything happened.....