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Compulsive Hoarding
Is A Family Problem
Together, we hope to find some solutions.
This is a community for all adult family members
and friends of people who hoard.
What you will find here
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| Donat-o-Meter Stats |
| July´s Goal: |
$100.00 |
| Due Date: |
Jul 31 |
| Amount in: |
$20.00 |
| Balance: |
$19.12 |
| Left to go: |
$80.88 |
| Donations | | | stericlean $20 Jul-3 |
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We have a bad
bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad rat and mouse problem as well. My wife
refuses to see the problem and says " we can clean it all up when she
dies". Well, I can't take another friggin day of it. I've had enough...
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted on
Thursday, March 27th, 2008 at 12:27 AM.
Relationship : Grandson - in - law
Source : Youtube
Message :
My wife and I were asked 12 years ago to move in with her
Grandma by her grandma, to help "take care of the house". Grandma is a
hoarder extradonaire. Since we have been there, the garage (among other
rooms) is unuseable except for a "trail" to the washer/dryer. Tho it is
impossible to do laundry in there. The garage door out front won't open
because it is packed tight. I told grandma that "one day, I'm gonna
clean out that garage so we have a place to put things that belong in the
garage." This was several years ago. I have decided that this is the
summer. She "says" she's fine with it. But I don't believe that that will
be the situation.
I need to know what to do with grandma the day I
"open" the garage door and start putting things into the dumpster that
I'm going to rent. Should I send her off shopping with my wife? Send her
to Atlanta to visit her sister? She's 86 and gets around just fine. If
I don't put a lock on the dumpster door, she will get up at 3am and
start digging stuff back out. (She digs into the kitchen trash now to get
"useful things" like soda bottles and tv dinner trays.) We have a bad
bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad rat and mouse problem as well. My wife
refuses to see the problem and says " we can clean it all up when she
dies". Well, I can't take another friggin day of it. I've had enough.
I've started to become verbally abusive to both of them and that's just
not me! I wasn't raised that way. Someone please help me. I stay up at
night crying about what it's doing to my marriage and my character. I'm
42! Why is this happening to me?
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Posted on Friday, March 28, 2008 @ 16:05:31 ICT by Donna
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No Comments Allowed for Anonymous, please register |
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Re: Story from Grandson - in - law (Score: 1)
by What2do on Saturday, March 29, 2008 @ 07:02:11 ICT
(User Info | Send a Message) | What's happening is you're 42 years old and you have no control over your environment, your life. You realize that and that you have let it go on for 12 years. But you aren't going to change it in one day with a dumpster. Well, you might, but the outcome might not be what you were hoping for...
Welcome to this site. There is a lot of information here, and a lot of support.
Your wife "refuses to see the problem". Is she a hoarder too, or just loves her grandma and doesn't want to confront it?
When did Grandma say "she was fine with" you cleaning out the garage? Was that several years ago too? You "don't believe that that will
be the situation". So don't kid yourself.
You are right, you need to do something. I am wondering how you have lived with it this long. How are your living areas? Kitchen, bathroom, your bedroom? Do you and your wife have functional living space besides the laundry issue? I'm wondering if that is part of why "she doesn't see a problem".
What bothers you most? the hoard? or the hoarder? 12 years is a long time.
Personally, I would not send anyone away. That will make it easier for you. They could come home and joyfully praise your accomplishment, or, there was one damn priceless item in there that you threw away, (whether there was or not) Grandma gets withdrawn, depressed,(they tend to be drama queens), your wife never forgives you.... You need her onboard. Sadly, it is painful whether you deal with it or not. That's why we are all here.
You said summer, so you have some time. Post in "the community". You will get a better idea of what some our veteran's have come up against. |
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Re: Story from Grandson - in - law (Score: 1)
by johnny on Tuesday, April 01, 2008 @ 01:40:16 ICT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | grandson-in-law:so you say you can't take another friggin day of it ??? well, come live w/me in my clean -hoard free home ! your wife sure isn't respecting you or her marriage enough to ask/expect you to live like that !!! |
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Re: Story from Grandson - in - law (Score: 1)
by johnny on Tuesday, April 01, 2008 @ 01:41:21 ICT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | grandson-in-law:so you say you can't take another friggin day of it ??? well, come live w/me in my clean -hoard free home ! your wife sure isn't respecting you or her marriage enough to ask/expect you to live like that !!! |
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Re: Story from Grandson - in - law (Score: 1)
by Need2Change on Friday, April 11, 2008 @ 18:00:43 ICT
(User Info | Send a Message) | I don't know if you are staying "rent free" but you are paying a high price! Verbal abuse won't help. My advice is to be as discrete as possible and dispose of things in small increments (so that it isn't as noticeable that you are getting rid of things). When I say "dispose of" please donate as much as possible! That is what my sister used to do at our mother's house, I never had the heart (or gall) to do that,but what I used to do (my mother lives in a different state so I can no longer do this) was to "woo" her stuff away from her (yes, it did make me feel bad, but her living in her stuffed house made me feel even worse!).
So, a great way to "get stuff" is impress the person with what "really great stuff" they have and how you know of someone who would really benefit from (lets say) these size 16 pants (when your hoarder is a size 6 and will NEVER wear size 16 pants). Then you get the stack of size 16 pants from them willingly!!! I will admit this takes a lot of patience and persistence and sometimes you cannot "push" the person.
The key is being discrete and gentle.
With the recycling she keeps getting out of the trash, tell her how you think it is wonderful to recycle and you found this great place that actually gives you money for those soda cans and bottles (in Southern California they really do) then take her recycling as often as humanly possible (be sure to give her money even if you don't actually go to a recycling center). I am a proponent of recycling, but it is not recycling if the stuff stays in your house!!! I am fortunate to have curbside recycling at my home, but the rural area where my mother lives, well, I had to drive far to recycle (but it was near where I worked so I had to drive there anyway). I am sorry your wife is not more helpful, she may be fighting her own clutter demons.
Best wishes, but PLEASE be kind and no matter how hideous the stuff is, try to respect it and you may get better results with slowly eliminating it!! |
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Average Score: 5
Votes: 1
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