My dad had fire at his home last month. He had a
little hotplate that caught fire, burning some clothes
that were piled in front of it, and nearly burning out
the whole home...

4/14/08
Sent via email to infoATchildrenofhoa rders.com
From: Steve, Son of Hoarder

My dad had fire at his home last month. He had a
little hotplate that caught fire, burning some clothes
that were piled in front of it, and nearly burning out
the whole home. My dad is a hoarder, and has not let
us in his home for several years, although my siblings
and I speak to him regularly. We grew up in a
hoarding household. It was so bad at one point, my
parents nearly lost custody of us. We learned not to
let people in the home, not to ever have friends over.

My dad's home was piled of hobby supplies, magazines
and clothes, and so the bedroom, kitchen and bathrooms
weren't usable. We kids went to his home to try to
get rid of the trash, because the entire home needs to
be vacated to do the necessary repairs. Even though
my dad nearly died, he argued with us, saying we
wouldn't know what is trash and what isn't, so we
shouldn't throw things away. Before all of this, my
dad's earlier home was so dilapidated/ uninhabitable
that it was condemned and razed by the city. But my
dad does not believe he has a problem, and I don't
know if he will get help, even now.

I do not know if forced clean-up would have fixed
everything, but I am realizing how much of my own life
is tied up in making sure my father is all right, from
paying his bills, to storing his items and how much of
the way I see the world is influenced by the
environment I grew up in.

I have a high tolerance for clutter myself, and find
that I'm too close to repeating the patterns I see in
my dad. I still never have friends over, and I do not
have people in my home won't come back to hurt me,
even though I am a friendly and outgoing person. My
point for telling about this is because I think that
it's easy to internalize the behaviors we have learned
in childhood, and underestimate how dangerous those
behaviors can be.

It's really hard for me to even think about this, much
less talk about it, but I don't know if maybe my story
will help someone else. Thank you for reading this.