I still don't
understand how the courts didn't order my dad custody, due to the
condition of the house.  But like dad said, courts always side with the
women...

Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted on Tuesday,
April 29th, 2008 at 04:03 AM.


Relationship : Daughter
Source : Dr. Phil Show
Message : Hi.  Thankfully I am out of this situation now, but it caused
a lot of problems growing up.  Not sure if my mom was really a
"hoarder" or just a filthy lazy pig.  I mean she never threw anything out and
never cleaned anything, but I don't believe she had any sentimental
reason to hold onto every piece of garbage either.  All I know is that
when I was really young it wasn't as bad.  I had a really good friend that
lived across the street from me and we were always hanging around
between the two houses, and in the summer it was almost always mine because
I had the pool.  So since we had her over all the time, my mom kept
her mess in check.  Her room was always bad, but never the common areas
in the house.  When my mom did get out of hand, my dad stepped in. 

However, when I was in 7th grade, she moved, and I wound up switching
to private school anyway, for other reasons.  Being in a small private
school where everyone else started in kindergarten, I was the new kid
and I didn't have many friends.  So basically, with my best friend living
5 states away, and not to many other friends, mom (or dad) had no
reason to keep the house clean anymore.  Dad would pick up after mom in the
beginning but it slowly became less and less.  I even started keeping
my room messier and messier over the years.  I never considered myself
a neat freak, but I would periodically straighten up.  However, after
awhile it became the old saying: If you can't beat them, join them.  And
I would only clean my room when I couldn't see the floor anymore, or
worse. 

Over the years, my mom's housekeeping abilities (or lack thereof)
caused many of arguments throughout the household.  My dad was one step away
from ending the marriage but wanted to stay together for the "kids"
and wanted to wait until after my sister was out of high school.  I
begged to end it sooner, but my voice went unheard.  I hated how every time
a friend wanted to come over I had to make excuses.  It was either my
sister has her annoying friends over, or it was getting late, or I'm mad
at my parents and want to get out, whatever.  I hated it.  Sometimes,
when a friend would ask, I would say hold on, pretend to actually ask
my parents, and then get back on the phone, and say my parents said no,
so I could blame it on them.  The worst was when I started driving, and
I was out with a couple friends, and I stopped at my house to get
something, and I thought I can get away with just saying I'll be out in a
sec, but my friend asked if she could use the bathroom.  She really
caught me off guard, and I had to think on my toes.  I used the excuse that
it was a school night, and my sister was probably getting ready for
bed, and my parents probably wouldn't want anyone over.  It was only
around 9.  My sister at the time, I believe was a freshman.  We wound up
stopping over at a McDonald's. 

Well, thankfully one day my prayers were answered.  There was a knock
on the front door, which always sent me ints out she already knew they
were coo panic mode as it was.  My sister ran down to answer it (turns
out she already knew they were coming) and then got my dad.  My mom had
served my father.  You would think with all the chaos my mom caused the
family, it would have been my dad doing so.  However, my mom always
accused my dad of not fixing things around the house and stuff, but the
truth is he couldn't because he would have had to step over all my mom's
stuff to do it.  The house was full of bugs, and the kitchen was full
of rotted food all over, encrusted on the counters. 

My dad always cooked in his office, which was in the house.  He had a
dorm sized fridge, and a microwave.  He eventually also got a small
range and toaster oven.  He had his own set of dishes in which he would
wash in the bathroom.  Neither my dad nor I would ever eat anything out of
the kitchen.  My mom still cooked for my sister sometimes though.
  Most of the time, my sister would pick and choose whose meal she would eat
depending on what each parent was making.  My mom had her so
brainwashed about everything, that she was actually siding with my mom anyway.
  So she didn't care about eating out of the kitchen.  Everyone ate in
their own rooms however.  There was no room in the kitchen to eat.  Near
the end, my dad was also sleeping in his office on a little cot.  The
only thing he didn't do in his office was use the bathroom.  I hid in my
room when I was home also.  We had a huge 2 story house with a living
room, den, dining room, kitchen, 3 bedrooms (including the master),
office, 2 1/2 baths, and a garage/attic.  And yet we used all of 4 rooms.
 

Thankfully, 2 1/2 years after my mom first served my dad, we were free.
  It was a hard sell, our house.  We actually had the appraisers in the
house, as well as interested buyers.  Most of the time, they never got
past the front door.  The ones that did, were offering a very low
price.  My dad didn't care, because he knew we were lucky to get a buyer at
all, and he just wanted out.  However, my mom kept refusing any offer
made.  We actually had one realtor (sp?) come in and threaten to call
CPS because of the condition of the house.  Who could blame her? 

Eventually, they were told by the courts that they had to accept a
certain price, and the house went to closing.  It was brought by a
contractor who had taken everything and gutted it, and basically started over.
  My dad and I actually went and pretended we were interested in the
house, so we could see it when he was trying to re-sell.  It was a
different real-estate, and the guy who brought it from us wasn't actually
living there, so nobody recognized us.  When we saw the house, I couldn't
believe it.  They really did do a great job fixing it up, although I
didn't like all the changes made.

Anyway, after the house sold, I went to live with my dad, and my sister
chose to live with my mom.  She was 16 at the time, and was actually
given the choice by the courts.  Again, she was so brainwashed at the
time, that she 100% sided with my mom, and went with her.  I still don't
understand how the courts didn't order my dad custody, due to the
condition of the house.  But like dad said, courts always side with the
women.

Well, anyway, we've all been living separately for almost a year now.
  And although, me and my dad get lazy sometimes where there's a sink
full of dishes or I have to get yelled at for clothes on the floor, etc.
  life is a lot calmer and a lot cleaner.  I can have friends over
anytime I want now.  I don't have to be afraid to answer the door.  I don't
have to live in constant fear that somehow someone will find out our
"family secret" or if there's a fire, that everything would just go up at
once and we'd all burn to death, since the entire house was one big
fire hazard. 

However, whenever I go to my mom's house, even now, after a chance to
start over, I tend to wait in the car for my sister, because of the
stench.  Because there is no spot to sit.  Some things never changed.
  She's renting an apartment, and I'm waiting for her to be evicted.  Every
time I go over there there's another excuse.  Well that's your sister's
job, she's supposed to clean that (she always has a chore list a mile
long, while my mom sits on her butt all day, and my sister doesn't do it
anyway, but still).  Or I was getting to that.  The cats messed
everything up.  Whatever.   Thankfully, even though it was her choice to live
with my mom, she'll be going away to school next year.  She found her
escape route also.

I used to think I was all alone in this, but after watching today's
show, and now looking at this website, I realized there's more of us than
any of us realize.  I feel really bad for any of you that are in this
situation, and I pray (not to offend anyone who isn't religious,
but....) that somehow, someway things will get better.  Hang in there, and
know that your not alone.

signed,
been there, done that