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It's even more difficult because I am adopted (as is my brother), and I
found my birthmom a few years ago.  We are very close.  I know now what
it is like to have a normal relationship, something I can't have with
my adopted mom...

This form was submitted:  Sep 07 2007 / 10:30:18

HearAboutUs = Marie Claire

feedback = I can't explain the emotions that I felt when I read the
story in Marie Claire magazine and saw there was a website dedicated to
this terrible problem.  I am 40 years old and have had to deal with my
mother's compulsive hoarding my whole life.  I understand having to lie
to friends and relatives about why they can't come to my house.  I had a
boyfriend actually push me to get inside once.  Then he told me it
smelled like dead people.  I didn't realize until I had left home at 18
that this wasn't my problem.  My mom always blamed my brother and me.
  And yet, I tried so hard to keep my room clean.  I would shut the door
(when it was open, the garbage just spilled through) and go through my
window.  I would often wake up with rat crap on my bed.  My brother and I
were covered in flea bites.  I have pictures that tell my story as
well.  We couldn't flush toilet paper because the toilet was too clogged
with "stuff" so there was just a big pile on the floor.  We didn't h
ave any hot water because the water heater broke, and my mom wouldn't
let anyone in to fix it.  Whenever I tried to talk to my mother about
it, she would curl up in fetal position and threaten to run away. 

I
left home when I was 18 to go to college, and I couldn't come back after
that because there was no room anymore.  We didn't have the regular
"paths".  We could walk on stuff and touch the ceiling.  Some actually went
to the ceiling.  Our home was in Los Angeles, but I haven't lived near
my mother in 20 years.  I moved to Utah after I got married, but
recently I moved my mom up here with me.  I knew I couldn't handle her
living with me so I moved her to an assisted living home.  My brother and I
and our spouses had to clean out her house.  A few close friends also
helped.  Gutwrentching.  I recently spent a whole day cleaning out her
little 1 bedroom apartment that she has occupied for only a few months.
  I can't seem to bring myself to visit her like I should.  I am rea
lly struggling with even talking to her on the phone.  My brother
doesn't want anything to do with her anymore.  I'm not sure what to do.
 

It's even more difficult because I am adopted (as is my brother), and I
found my birthmom a few years ago.  We are very close.  I know now what
it is like to have a normal relationship, something I can't have with
my adopted mom.  I feel tremendous guilt, but honestly, if I wish I
could wash my hands of her and never see her again.  If anyone has any
advice or comments, feel free to email me at wendyhendry@msn.com.  Thanks
for listening.  :)