Help Needed In Richmond, VA!!
Story sent in to website 10/10/07:
I cannot believe this website actually exists.
I didn't
think the problem of hoarding was so prevalent. I didn't even know
what it was until recently and I'd been living with it all my life.
I was adopted at a young age by my uncle as my mother (his sister) was
severely mentally ill and was physically and emotionally abusive to
me.
My real Father ran off on me when I was only a few months old.
My uncle/dad He had been taking care of my Grandmother before I came
to
live there and she became like a Mother to me. When she died (I was
13), he slowly began hoarding all kinds of things that he felt were
valuable. He would never let me move anything, so I just kept my
room
straight and I pretty much stayed in that room through high school
and
college. We never had "sit down" meals or any of that because it was
just
to two of us then.
The whole house was so clluttered there was only a little path to walk
through. I never had friends over and was so very embarrassed and had
low self-esteem.
Well, I moved out after college, got a good job and got an apartment
and what a glorious feeling that was--to finally have things the way
I
wanted them. My uncle/adopted dad would come to visit me often and I
helpted him out financially but when I wanted to go to his house, he
said
there was no room. I went to check it out and see if I could fix it
and I couldn't believe how bad it had gotten. I begged him to let me
clean and he refused--what could I do? It was his house.
The past 3 years he has been living with me in my rental as his heart
and lungs had gotten so bad and he needed more intensive care which I
provided to him. I knew there would not be enough room for me to live
there and take care of him and it wasn't clean enough. The shower
wall is
falling in, it's dusty like crazy, insects, etc.
He had health problems all his life and kept to himself a lot although
his was the most wonderful, loving and generous man. The friends he
did have have all passed away. I guess I'm trying to explain why he
was
alone too.
He has always been my only family and even though I was so embarrassed
when I was younger, I felt like I didn't want to upset him as I loved
him more than words can describe and I was so thankful that he saved
me
from being killed at the hands of my mother basicially.
He took wonderful care of me, taught me a lot and was just a brilliant
man--I just wish he has more friends. He was my Father, Mother, Best
Friend--everything. I guess his hoarding was a way for him to deal
with
his emotional pain from his years of dealing with my Mother and who
knows what else. And I know it was embarrassing for him too.
I know he didn't intend to upset me with the hoarding, we just never
had a lot of money. He never got child support for me or social
security. He was disabled from a very bad traffic accident in the
late 70's
which crushed his leg and a couple years later, despite his chronic
pain,
he started collecting things to fix and sell. He got into
everything:
fixing sewing machines, refinishing furniture, fixing vacuums and
lawnmowers-- phones--he even worked on his cars--on and on and on--
and he
always showed me how to do these things too--although, I don't know
if
I'll remember. In 1998, When he got sick with his heart and lungs,
he
just didn't have the strenght or energy to do any of those things any
longer. But, I tell you, he was a fighter.
Anyway, he died two weeks ago and I'm totally devastated. I've always
had a bit of depression and anxiety but now I'm overwhelmed as it's
up
to me to clean his house out. It's hard to find volunteer groups for
this kind of thing where I live and a lot of people just don't
understand
the problem. There is such a stigma involved.
Because of my depression that got severe about 4 years ago, I have
also
isolated myself and really only spent time with him the past 3 years.
So, now, I feel like I have no one, I am truly alone except for my
God and this big house to clean out. I plan to live there as it is
paid
for, I can no longer afford to live in my rental and because he
wanted
me to have it. I have about a month to get it to a state that I can
move into. I don't have any money to hire anyone to do anything but
I'm
going to work my butt off--that's all I can really do--and try to
find a
grief support group.
I hear some people talk about how hard it is to lean out someone's
bedroom after they die. It's like 10 times harder to go through all
his
stuff and try to decide what to keep that's valuable, what to donate
and
what to throw away.
I need serious help but don't know where to turn. Don't we all? It
would be great if there were task forces of volunteers in every state
that would help and then people could recipricate and become a
volunteer
after they have been helped.
I do have some "before" pictures. Maybe I'll figure out how to post
"before" and "after" photos on here soon.
Thanks for reading my story, I hope it helped someone know that you
are
not alone.
If I can get any literature or list of resources that would be
great.
Kim
<address available from info@childrenofhoarders.com upon request>
Richmond, VA 23237
Thank you so very much.