How do I survive the emotional abuse that goes along with the
desparateness of hoarding?  How do I know when it is time to walk away?  How?...

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This form was submitted:  Nov 16 2007 / 20:53:34

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We've just finished cleaning up again (although we swore we
never would) but a hip replacement and unwillingness to bring the "bad
habits" into our own homes lead us to the inevitable--shoveling 100
bags of garbage, throwing away milk that was more than a year old, dishes
beyond cleaning and piles upon piles of new and old clothes soaked in
urine.  We sprayed for the fleas that had made their way through my
mother to our own homes and pets. We managed to clear a path but the smell
of years of dog pee and my mother's own incontinence is overwhelming.
  One day after she returned home, she dislocated the new hip.  Within a
week, she dislocated it 2 more times.  Today, the Dr. replaced it and
is concerned about an infection.  Who is to blame?  Karma?  The
hoarding?  My mom?  The house?  The dog?  Us?  Me? 

My mothers friends don't
understand how ungrateful and hateful my brother and I must be for not
helping her more--they don't understand that this has been a lifetime
  of trying.  I am afraid that my husband will someday realize that
it's just not worth it (the never-ending 'saving' of my mother)and my
brother has panic attacks when someone comes to his home to visit (his home
is neat and beautiful but he doesn't believe it).  I am afraid of the
time when she heals and realizes the amount of things that have been
thrown away.  In the past, this has lead to death wish statements and
disownment.  My mom is only 58--I can't breath sometimes thinking about
the amount of years ahead of me dealing with this craziness, worry and
helplessness.  How do I make it stop and still have my mother love me?

  How do I survive the emotional abuse that goes along with the
desparateness of hoarding?  How do I know when it is time to walk away?  How?