Family Community - Story from a daughter

I have been so depressed and angry that I had
to take a leave of absence from work just to summon enough energy to
go back up there next week - yet Mom is doing just fine, she has a more
positive upbeat attitude than I have ever seen in the past - maybe
because I am the Emotional Shock Absorber? ...

MESSAGE SENT THROUGH WEBSITE

This form was submitted: Dec 06 2007 / 15:42:29

feedback = I feel like the poster child for this website, I am so
thankful to have found you!!

My father passed away at home Oct 20 at the age
of 76, leaving my Mom alone to run his small business and manage his
affairs with only one sentence written on a post-it note as his "will".

I am the only sibling left to help- recently married -with one homeless
brother (in/out of jail),the other disabled. My husband & I rarely
travel the 5 hour drive to my hometown, and I haven't spent much time there
for about 10 years, so have been shocked at how badly my parents'
hoarding had become - my Dad was previously a compulsive slave-driver and
we had to keep an impeccably clean house (I remember "raking" the shag
carpet at age 9 and getting yanked out of bed at midnight to clean the
cat box).They now have 5 local properties, including my childhood
home,stuffed full of EVERYTHING imaginable.

They never threw anything away,
and frequently loaded up on prepackaged sale items in between, so it'
s all just a big unorganized jumble of empty boxes,newspapers,uncashed
checks,8 cars,10 refrigerators still full of food running on
electricity,jars of blackened food dating back to the 70s,brand new packages of
unopened shirts with price tags,you name it.They hadn't taken down the
Xmas tree in 7 years and hoarded Christmas decorations in the
living/dining areas.Dad did't pay taxes for at least 8 years.

There's been no
life insurance policy found yet, and Mom hasn't one clue about how to run
his business or even what bills to pay because she let him completely
"control" everything.

Dad had keys to everything re-made over&over
because he trusted no one,so I collected 4 bags of keys but nothing to
indicate which doors they open. My husband took pix with his camera phone and
I find myself embarrassed/ashamed at people's reactions to them.I felt
completely helpless and out of control yet I was frantically working
dawn-dusk/daily for 2 weeks.

We loaded 5 vans of perfectly good/new i
tems to give to local charities, and that's not even scratching the
surface. Meanwhile, the Past Due bills kept coming in- Mom had no idea
why they weren't paid...We then hired 3 people to help clean up her
affairs,they hauled 1.5 tons of recycling/garbage out of 1/2 the house in
just 1 week and will start helping her wrap up the business and fix the
major household disrepair.

I love my Mom, but I want her to
take responsibility for her part in this, so that she can move forward
with her new life as a person of sound mind to make legal decisions
about her large (albeit, messy) estate. so I hesitate to try and "manage"
this mess so much as "monitor" it.

The people helping are AMAZING
but they're noticing that even though she wants to get out from under,
she is still hesitant to get rid of some things that have no
value(like,boxes of re-used videotapes), so I have been helping her to
understand the "2 year" theory - if you haven't used it in 2 years, you probably
never will -so GET RID OF IT! I feel like the Queen of Purge! I came
home and started throwing everything away!!
Thanks for your time!