While not diminishing your pain, my focus is on the millions of other
minor kids who have no website to share their pain.  Unfortunately have
no one looking out for them due to apathy and lack of knowledge to the
very real harm to children which isn't visible like a broken arm,
bruise or other sign of abuse...

Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted on Sunday,
March 30th, 2008 at 06:09 PM.


Relationship : ex father in law
Source : searching hoarding sites
Message :

My grandson lives in squallor.  His mother is a hoarder.  His
parents (my son and her) are divorced. The marraige was doomed from
the begining and my son only held on to try and save his son. (my
grandson). 

Like most hoarders, the mother has multiple child damaging behaviors
but I'll only touch on her hoarding.   The marraige to my son was not her
first and she had 4 children from a previously failed marraige.  As
event of the divorce and custody trial unfolded, we learned of a dozen
past referals over 15 yrs to CPS across three counties with frequent
moves and evictions.  

The custody trial included testimony from a CPS worker and a former
landlord who had evicted her.  There was other testimony but the reality
is the judge simply did not see the harm to the child (5 yr old at time
of trial).   Even after hearing about visible cat feces and smell of
urine so bad it made your eyes water, his opinion simply referred to her
as a "bad housekeeper".   Yes, she won primary custody and continues to
hoard, continues to move, continues to have CPS intervention and no
one does anything.

Unlike those of you whose parent(s) lived in one place for many years,
resulting in great quantities of junk, this woman is transient.  The
"depth" of trash, etc only gets to be about 6-8 inches.  Piles of dishes,
etc on kitchen surfaces aren't quite as high.  The size of her current
small apartment allows a frenzied effort of 8 hrs or so to become
presentable.  "Stuff" gets jammed into boxes and piled up.  Dishes/pans/etc
actually get washed and stuff in cabinets or temporarilly stacked in
the back of her minvan along with dozens of plastic bags of stuff.  

Of course the clean up effort is only prompted by an impending visit by
CPS.  Sometime they will actually call her in advance to announce an
inspection.  Other times, she will know it is coming because some
authority was in her house.  She instinctively knows this will trigger a
refferal to CPS.  If given warning, that assures her time to escape a
substantiated neglect charge.  By the time CPS arrives, the place is
minimally acceptable and she gets another "free pass". 

Even in rare instances when CPS did discover the full mess, they give
her a week or two to clean up and return.  If they are satisfied, the
case is closed and once again she free to hoard without scrutiny.

People making referals to CPS including landlords, safety officers,
counselors, school personell, church members and yes, myself.  I have come
to believe it is a waste of time to call CPS.   Simply put, CPS
doesn't see the long term harm to my grandson.   I continue to fight for him
but I am seen by the courts as harrassing her and trying to come
between a loving mother and her child.  

I have posted on the other COH site and continue my efforts to bring
awareness to the very young children of hoarders.  I commend the
organizers of this site for bringing people with a common problem together.  I
hope that all of you can heal the scars of your childhood.

While not diminishing your pain, my focus is on the millions of other
minor kids who have no website to share their pain.  Unfortunately have
no one looking out for them due to apathy and lack of knowledge to the
very real harm to children which isn't visible like a broken arm,
bruise or other sign of abuse.