Below is the result of a feedback form. It was submitted on Friday, September 26th, 2008 at 09:51 PM.


Relationship : Son
Source : Searching for hoarding information on the internet
Message :

Over the years, I've been surprised to see how many other people have had to deal with the same situation.

Not to repeat too many of the other details in other stories, I will say some of the key points I recall from the "Mess" at home. Currently, I am in my late 20's, and have not lived in that house since I was 17.

At first, it was only clutter. Looking back at old pictures of the house, when I was younger, my mother would comment, "Oh, the house was so clean then".......

My mother had been married to the Peron who fathered me. He worked a lot, she also worked a bit, though cared for me and later, my sister.

It seems, both my parents were already hoarders. Though it didn't really become noticeable until the late 1980's.

My father liked to save papers from work. For fear that someone may accuse him of something, and he could have some proof to back up his side. OK, understandable, HOWEVER, they were not ORGANIZED. Now, the papers inside the house weren't too much, maybe 10 Xerox paper boxes full.

My mother, she saved nearly anything. It seemed as time went on more things began to accumulate in the house. More would be saved, more would be acquired.

My father was always not as bad as my mother with saving junk. Often they would get into arguments about the junk in the house. My father didn't care much for it. At this point, the living areas in the house were OK. Junk was beginning to overflow the attack, and rooms in the basement were beginning to be piled with junk. however, the rest of the house was still manageable.

I have memories of the basement when it was clean. The fireplace, watching television, Christmas, etc. It was so clean during the 80's, that much of the basement could be renovated. It was to be the kids place, with half of the basement for my sister and I to play.

The house was a decent size for a house built in the 1930's. Upstairs: 3 bedrooms, 1 full bath, dining room, kitchen, breakfast room, living room, 2 hall closets, unfinished attic, large laundry room. Basement: Finished basement with a kitchen (When renovated the stove was never replaced), full bath, 2 closets, storage room, and large open area with the fireplace, etc.

During 1990 2 additions were built, one was to be used as a television room/study, the other as a place for plants and such, a porch, but not really.

Later, in the early-mid 1990's, my parents divorced, due to other reasons than hoarding. My mother, however, was starting to get worse with hoarding at this time. Storage areas were full, and started to explode into the basement area. After that, it went to boxes in the dining room.

Funny thing about tables.... The dining room table in the late 80's became the JUNK table. It's only purpose was to pile JUNK on top of it.... The breakfast room table was still clear.

My mother blamed part of the mess on my father, because my father had moved some stuff from his parent¡¦s house when they died in the late 80's. Not as much as my mother imagines, my father seems to have saved certain things he wanted, and thing he had no idea what to do with at the time, and was to sort later. Which eventually happened... Funny thing was, when my father left, with his stuff, the house did not become that much more clean. There was a dent, however not so much....

My mother also began hoarding cats. Not TOO much, I've heard of worse, however for her 10 cats was OK. The pissing in the house started soon before my father left, however after my father left there was less control over putting the cats outside in the morning....

As time went on, more and more of the house filled with stuff. cat piss became more and more normal. My neighbor, he was nearly my age. he used to visit the house more often, however due to things becoming worse, I found myself going to his house more often, than he visiting mine. We understood why, without saying why, hahaha.

I had collecting tendencies. I would collect old toys, comics, etc. Nothing too unusual for someone at the age of 12-13. Some may have called me a geek, nerd, etc.

Being around a mess, I started to find messes normal. Sometimes I would clean my room, only to have it get cluttered again.

This is when I started noticing a catch-22, where she would criticize my mess, and order me to clean my room, when the entire house was a mess as-is! I would have cleaned my room later anyway!

Sometime during this age of 12 or 13 I started to become more organized, I would put all the like toys in certain boxes, etc. As the rest of the house piled with junk around me, I could control my room, and though I liked to collect things, it was great to be able to organize, and clear the floor. I had some people over during this time, at the age of 14 or so, and they would often comment at how different my bedroom was from the rest of the house. in that though I had a lot of little collections, it was actually organized and clean!.

Around this time, I tired of having to wait for the use of the bathroom upstairs, it also became messy with unused shampoo bottles, soaps, etc. Trash, but for some reason it could not be thrown out.... I claimed the bathroom downstairs. At that time, it was full of empty boxes and some cat poop. I cleaned it up, and made it my own room. In some ways I ORDERED my sister and mother to LEAVE THE DOWNSTARIS BATHROOM ALONE because I CLEANED IT! My mother would tell me it was her house, her room, she could do what she wanted. However, for some reason, she did leave it be. I appreciated that.....

Age of 16 or so, it's not getting any better, only worse. Boxes of stuff everywhere. When my mother would go out of town for a while, my sister and I would cherish the time we had to clean. WE would throw out 12-20 bags each week she was gone, mostly useless paper and just JUNK. I recall my mother returning early one time, to see extra bags of trash outside. She was VERY upset, and proceeded to open the trash bags, and bring stuff inside. Some of it food garbage, expired, but she wanted anyway....

Oh, she hoarded food also. The kitchen became hideous. I ate a lot of frozen food during that time.

My sister and I tried to help her clean, however it was always a losing battle. Everything had to be saved. Crayons found in the basement? NOT TRASH, there was still use there! Pen from a hotel, when there are already hundreds in the house? NO! It¡¦s still useful.  There were others, but one that always stuck with me were the old shoes and such. If we could not find the matching junk shoe, it could not be thrown or given away, it had to be pairs. My logic was, IT IS TRASH ANYWAY, THROW IT AWAY, IF THE OTHER APPEARS IN THE FUTURE, WE CAN TRASH IT ALSO! No, not possible.........

It was frustrating, and cleaning with my mother was eventually dropped as an activity....

My mother also liked to blame mess in the living room on my sister and I. If I came home from school and left my jacket and book bag there, I would hear her upset with me when she returned home from work, saying that the mess in that room was due to us, etc....

Not all the time was maddening. I enjoyed some times with my mother, she was also generous at Christmas. I'm not talking cheap toys, or useless stuff, but things I wanted. Even as the mess accumulate dint eh house, we would at least be able to clear the living room for gifts, a tree, etc...

Eventually the mess, and arguments with my mother became too much, I moved in with my father at the age of 17.

I move a lot of stuff with me. Collections of toys, VHS tapes, etc. As I said, I was a bit of a nerd.

My father is much cleaner, however he still had hoarding tendencies. A bit more than clutter, but not quite hoarding. For example, his closet was a mess of stuff. After he moved into his last house, some moving boxes sat piled in a corner of his garage. It was a mountain of stuff in that corner, nearly to the room of the garage in the very corner. The other quirk was dining room table. myself, my sister (When she visited, and father usually ate at another table in the kitchen.  This dining room table was never sued, and became a platform for papers. Piles of papers all over the table.

Eventually, I talked my father into purchasing more shelves for his garage, and within 2 weeks or so, we had uncluttered the garage, and made it tidy. Not perfect, but comparable to others. My father gave his dining room table set to goodwill, and put that space to better use. Made better use of his closet space.

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I never visited my mother inside her house much after I moved out. I still cared about her, however I also saw her as being a bit crazy. If I visited her, I would not sit on things in the house, I could stand the cat-pee smell, etc. I tried to limit my time inside....

My sister lived with my mother, and she somehow dealt with it. She is very pro-animal, and believes what my mother always told her about once you have an animal as a pet it is your pet for life. I agree to an extent, however, when you have 10 cats, and they piss all over the place, something has to be done. Put yourself first, not the cats.... anyway.

4 years ago my mother was diagnosed with cancer, she didn't make a big deal of it, however 3 weeks before she died, she came clean with the reason for her jaundice, cancer in her pancreas now. It was a surprise my sister was at college out of state, she quite mid semester to come back to visit, as my mother was told she had 4 weeks to 4 months to live. From what I was later told by an oncology assistant, it was more likely weeks, not months.

She died, and I found myself thinking about cleaning that house.... Before she died I combed the basement, through a sea of boxes looking for things of mine. I found a few, and left with them. My aunt and I had an awful time finding the deed for the house. Nothing was easy to find, and by that time my mother was nearly dead, and could not tell us where to look, when she could speak, she would just tell us she would show us when she got home... The mess in that dining room, papers stuck to the floor due to cat piss, piles of junk. yuck.

She died, and soon after I helped my sister clean the house. We enjoyed ourselves, finally being able to throw trash away! It was an odd feeling to clear so much garbage from the house. It was a stressful time, however some of the cleaning we did felt soooooooo good to do in that house.

Well, my mother left the house and possessions to my sister. I received some insurance, but nearly all of it went to my sister. I was a bit upset, but, oh well.

I continued helping my sister go through stuff in the basement, as I wanted to see what was in the boxes, what of mine had been boxed away and forgotten about. Hidden treasures. I found a few...

Though, eventually family drama took over, my sister was a bit stressed to suddenly have 10 cats (9 now, one died) to care for, a house, bill around the house, repairs to take care of due to neglect of the house, etc. She took about a year off from school, work, etc to figure things out. She also didn't want me to help her much in the house after that.

Time has gone by, and I still see mess in the house. It's more clean than it was, but it is still a mess, and stinks of piss. more clean, but still a mess. 1/3 of the junk in the house is gone, maybe 1/2, but still plenty in the basement, attic, and various rooms.

My sister, recently, I brought up to her, "You need to clean that living room". I am now hearing the same stuff I would hear from my mother, "Why does it bother you? I will clean it when I have the time. I work, etc. It's not your house. It's my stuff, not yours".

Though my sister and I put a dent in the mess, it is still a mess. I wonder how long my sister will live like that. I am hoping she won't end up like my mother, however if she does, it's her decision. I can nudge her here and there, but it's her life. I have enough to figure out on my own, with jobs, career, education,  and such.

All I am worried about are the Beta Tapes and family photos. I don't want anything to happen to those, however I don't have any say over borrowing any of that stuff, since my mother left it all to my sister. Yes, I said Beta tapes. What can I say, movies are my hobby.  ƒº

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All in all, at my father's house, it's stayed clean rather well My two areas of the house are also neat, I've sold and gave away some most of my collections of stuff, though I still have 2 boxes of comics, 2 Rubbermaid bins of old toys, stuff like that. Nothing much, and comparable to other people. I collect movies, however I catalog them, and keep them organized on a shelf. A lot of stuff in my life is neat and organized. I'm a bit of a collector of certain things, however I watch the movies, listen to the music, so it's not as though it's useless stuff, or disorganized. I put to use what I own, and once a year I try to comb through my stuff, finding things I no longer need.

My father, I still have to nudge him when I see papers accumulate, however it's more clutter, than hoarding with him. Most of it can go out to trash, and he doesn't stress much if I throw out some papers of his I feel are junk. If I see a pile of mail, and I grab all the stuff I know is junk and trash it, he trusts me that it's trash.

I don't think I will ever be like my mother with saving junk. I collect movies, but other than that, nothing much else.  Many people have a hobby. I found this site, after looking on the internet for information on hoarding, due to my sister, 2 years after my mother's death still living in a mess.