Video by a daughter of hoarder, "Sequestered in Squalor

COH & ACOA Joined: Jul 22, 2006 Posts: 2044 Location: Cabo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65xcUgj3wsU

Some background:
The video you will find above was made by a member here & the Yahoo Group. She just recently moved out of sharing the home pictured with her mom. While living there, she was constantly trying to make some order out of the "chaos." Unfortunately, since she's moved out, the house has gotten much worse.

Hope you'll take a look at it.

Donna

Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 7:58 am Post subject:

The video (I was able to watch it!) was very powerful and disturbing to me. I see through others situations that mine will just continue to get worse... if "all I can do is keep breathing" ...

To make a diiference, I choose to battle it.... always.

My marriage may suffer from the battle, but it will suffer if I do nothing to stop it, as well.

Great video.

Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 11:18 am Post subject:

Wow. Janell... if that house is acceptible to you then I do think you may have a problem. True, it's not completely filthy, but it's still not a functional home that can utilize all that is inside it for their intended purposes.

I'll get off soapbox now

Hoarding does not necessarily mean mold and bodily fluids everywhere. It's a problem of keeping too much stuff that renders the dwelling almost useless for it's intended purposes... I believe millions of people have this problem and justify it away because it may not smell yet or you can navigate through a room, but we shouldn't have to "navigate", we should be able to live in our homes comfortably.

My home is very much like the video and I find it very tiring, frustrating, inconvenient... and impossible to live life in it normally.
Does this mean one is a hoarder? I really don't care what you call it, it's not normal and it's from not letting things go for what ever the reason, we all have different ones, but that doesn't make it right to keep so much stuff that it impacts how we do most ANYTHING in our homes.

If your house looks like this AT ALL, make a change and/or get help. Call it what ever you want, but for the sake of your loved ones, change your ways and/or get help, please.

Okay, I'm getting off my soapbox now...

Active Member Joined: Oct 12, 2007 Posts: 67

Wow....powerful video....I have just finished 3 15 min sessions. 2 on just paper, and 1 on general "hotspots".
Also, I have a box of usable stuff and a bag of clothes for good will.
It was a kick in the pants.....I have never wanted my home to look like the one I grew up in, but a couple areas are starting to look bad.

Thanks for sharing the video.
It was encouraging, as well, because my kitchen counters are totally clear except for a few frequently used appliances.
Thanks all....I appreciate the reality check of this site.

Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2007 11:51 pm Post subject:

The video is mine. I returned to home to live with my mother after 25 + years of living on my own. I am a neat freak and enjoy a pretty and functional living space.

When I returned home to live with my mother, there was not one functional living space with in the house. I slept on the front porch for about 12 weeks. She lives in an A- frame home with 3 bedrooms, and a full basement. She has a living room, a dining room, and a kitchen. She also has a rented storage locker. She lives alone.

The pictures that you see in the video are after a daily "clean-up". The opening scene of the front porch really saddens me. When my son returned home from college we had no place to store his things. Worse yet, we had no place to for him to sleep. The only room that was actually functional was my bedroom and it was very crowded. He was forced to stay with friends It was a nightmare. When I broke my foot over the summer she was unable to clean off the couch in order for me to sit down. I navigated the goat path with crutches just like a pro!

The kitchen as it is in the video was also after a daily clean-up. I scrubbed walls and had to put the trivets and pictures back up. I was forbidden to touch the magnets on the cabinet. Every day, every meal prepared was a marathon. Interestingly to me the amount of food in the fridge and the cabinets, coupled with the amount of junk food my mother purchased dramatically affected me. I was very depressed. And because it was so frustrating navigating the kitchen just to cook, I often opted for a quick- high calorie options. I was beyond irritation every day. My mother left things out, and made a mess on a daily basis. My efforts to clean and maintain order resulted in many fights. She frequently went to bed angry and depressed.

While living with my mother my hygiene also suffered. Before coming to live with her I took a shower daily and always neatly groomed myself. Because she used the bath tub as a storage bin, I often did not have the energy to empty it out to bathe. And of course all of you or atleast some of your know about the other other nasties, like used depends in th garbage...well that made me sick. I detested using the bathroom. I never felt clean. And the funny thing is, when your home is functionally clean, you do not normally end up with serious dirt stains and soiled spots on your clothing simply from washing dishes or sweeping the floor. The mop head doesn't usually need discarded after cleaning a "normal" house". Oh and don't forget, every time I emptied a spot, my mother found some thing to fill it up with.!

Oh goodness I could go on and on, but for now, if there is one point I can get across, it is important for us not to use our own yardstick to measure who's hoard is worse or dirtier or messier. It is exactly that kind of thinking the keeps us sequestered in squalor. How many times have one of us heard our parents say, well my house doesn't look as BAD as so and so...or atleast I am not dirty and nasty like some people.

The denial, the justifications, the transferences, the projections are the thoughts and patterns that keep us socially isolated or feeling guilty, depressed and experiencing a myriad of other feelings.

Most times it is the things that are not seen, that can not be described with accuracy and detail that overwhelm us and cause others to question our sanity.

I am laughing about it now, but I remember telling a friend that it took me 12 hours to clean my mother's bathroom. He thought I was lying. One day it took me 18 hours straight just to get the house in enough order for my baby sister to visit with her 2 children. My friends thought I was insane when I told them I missed an engagement because I had been cleaning for 18..yes 18 hours straight....javascript:emoticon('

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Phew! Hard work!

I chose the title Sequestered in Squalor because, before finding the COH group, I felt like a sequestered juror...Hoarding is a form of sequestration that keeps us locked away in the paradigm of scarcity. The disease holds us hostage in mind, body and spirit. Certainly we can fight back, but sometimes just breathing is struggle... but as long as I am breathing I know I am alive. I can feel. Today I am learning to exhale and it feels pretty darn good. I am learning about the abundance of the world... the best part is I am learning to love my mother, just the way she is. For me that is a form of freedom I never thought I would enjoy. As they say in the old Virgina Slims ads, "You've come a long way baby!"javascript:emoticon('

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applause!

Peace and tenderness and abundant joy sent your way,
Angeline

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 7:56 am Post subject:

Quote:

I am laughing about it now, but I remember telling a friend that it took me 12 hours to clean my mother's bathroom. He thought I was lying. One day it took me 18 hours straight just to get the house in enough order for my baby sister to visit with her 2 children. My friends thought I was insane when I told them I missed an engagement because I had been cleaning for 18..yes 18 hours straight....javascript:emoticon

Yep, I agree- I just spent several weeks getting just 3 rooms cleaned up in my home. It's amaging and frustrating... but it's livable right now, but we still have 2 other rooms that "caught all the stuff"... packed ceiling to floor with boxes... it's very impressive.