Value of Objects Instilled In You

COH & ACOA Joined: Jul 22, 2006 Posts: 2031 Location: Cabo

Value of Objects:
How was the value of objects (or animals if applicable) instilled in you by your hoarding parent?
Did you ever feel like you were competing for affection from your parent with them, or never at all?
As an adult looking back, were the values assigned to objects rational or distorted? Experiences/Thoughts/Feelings

Valued Member Joined: Apr 23, 2008 Posts: 5

You know my mother was an all around hoarder we had 36-52 cats(my mom says no way) she also went diving in the dumpster,picked up old furit an veggys that had been thrown out while she was getting creates for "shelving" we would be so upset an not wanting to be seen. That in the middle of summer we would hide under a sleeping bag just so passers by wouldn't see us. That is only the tip of it but I find my self keeping things little thing and little piles starting, I saw a program on tv about it years ago and one thing that the man said was if you haven't looked at it, thought about it in or missed it the last 6 months and it isn't something passed down or very personal to you. THROW IT OUT !!! When my piles start and I see that they are I pick at the pile and throw it away. But I have kids now and I would never want them to live like I did growning up. An my husband NEVER lived anything like it and was very neat and organized so it was hard for him when we first got married. I'm still 10+ yrs. later growing and getting better at not falling into what I was brought up in. I still find it to be an every day struggle that i will beat altogether someday.

Valued Member Joined: Apr 23, 2008 Posts: 5

robbi wrote:

You know my mother was an all around hoarder we had 36-52 cats(my mom says no way) she also went diving in the dumpster,picked up old furit an veggys that had been thrown out while she was getting creates for "shelving" we would be so upset an not wanting to be seen. That in the middle of summer we would hide under a sleeping bag just so passers by wouldn't see us. That is only the tip of it but I find my self keeping things little thing and little piles starting, I saw a program on tv about it years ago and one thing that the man said was if you haven't looked at it, thought about it in or missed it the last 6 months and it isn't something passed down or very personal to you. THROW IT OUT !!! When my piles start and I see that they are I pick at the pile and throw it away. But I have kids now and I would never want them to live like I did growning up. An my husband NEVER lived anything like it and was very neat and organized so it was hard for him when we first got married. I'm still 10+ yrs. later growing and getting better at not falling into what I was brought up in. I still find it to be an every day struggle that i will beat altogether someday.

I'm not sure that was the question now that i re read it but she would tell us she needed the bannana create's to make it better or she needed the dead raccoon for the skin she was going to tan, But there was one time where we begged her, pleaded not to stop for a deer that had been hit that morning. we sat on the side of the road for 10 mins trying to make her stay in the car. An heaven forbid us to throw something out with out asking first. She never out an out said that the thing were more important then us but the feeling was there.

Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 12:13 am Post subject:

Hi Robbi, I gotta ask, does she still have the 'coon? Did she skin it? I think mine still has an owl in her freezer. It died in her yard I guess. Seemed useful..?... I don't know. I wanted to post it on the "wierdest things found" thread, but I haven't "officially found it" yet. Now that's something to look forward to! See, you're not alone!

Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2008 8:24 am Post subject:

My hoarder anthropomorphizes everything, and I do too, although I try not to now.

Among other things she has dolls. Just recently I let myself say out loud this one doll is ugly. She hugged the doll and told her not to listen to me. I felt wicked when I said it because I feel the same sort of defensiveness for the feelings of "things". I made myself say it just to try to get over the controlled feeling of NOT saying it out loud. But, as for me, I've apologized to trees when someone I'm walking with says "that's an ugly tree" or discusses cutting it down right in front of it.

I remember once, as an older teen, I decided to give my stuffed animals to Goodwill. I boxed them up and closed the top. I stared at it and stared at it until, almost in a panic, I ripped open the box and took them all out, apologizing to each one as I removed it from the box. GAAAWWWDDD!

I know my hoarder is exactly the same way.

COH & ACOA Joined: Jul 22, 2006 Posts: 2031 Location: Cabo

Wow Lisa. I didn't know this about you. (for those who don't know, Lisa is my sister).
Guess what?
You aren't a bad person because you do this!!!!

Last time I was visiting my (our) mom, one of my "projects" she had for me was to put all these dolls she has in a corner of a room (that *I* put there, since she is unable to put "like with like") in little chairs she has been buying for them. Couldn't find the chairs of course, so that project didn't happen.

Does it make sense? 10 room house, only 3 rooms are passable (right now) and my pressing project to put dolls in chairs?
Nope. It doesn't make sense at all, but c'est la vie, right?

Thanks for sharing that about yourself. Wow, learning things I didn't know about you, cool!

Donna

COH & ACOA Joined: Jul 22, 2006 Posts: 2031 Location: Cabo

PS:
Hi Robbi, Welcome!

!!

Donna

Valued Member Joined: May 08, 2008 Posts: 23 Location: CA

I know what you mean, Lisa. I do it too. When I try to get rid of old clothes, etc. I worry about whether they will find a good home. I took a baby bouncer to the second hand store and I saw them toss it in a trash can. It had never been used and I felt like I had betrayed it or something. I don't keep things but it always bothers me when I give them away or throw them out. I saw my daughter apologize to an empty chicken nugget box when I threw it out (she had been using them like puppets and had named them - I know that's a little weird). I really worry that she has inherited the trait from my side of the family. I think deep down I've never really convinced myself that inanimate objects don't think even though I know that's ridiculous. It was a lot easier for me to de-clutter when I realized I was doing this though.

New Member Joined: Apr 29, 2008 Posts: 1

i've been reading here for awhile...thankyou all for posting your stories
and letting the rest of us know we weren't alone... smiling

i never understood why my parents allowed animals in our lives that made
everything worse...in fact i had never connected that particular aspect of my growing up
years to their hoarding until now....
when i was very little, we had a cat that was totally crazy....my arms are still
covered with scars from that cat....but no matter how many times it bit and scratched
me, mom and dad wouldn't get rid of it....
when that cat finally died, they got another one that peed on everything....everything
we owned smelled like male cat urine, because even when you wash things, the smell
still lingers, but they wouldn't get rid of that cat either....sigh
when i was in my late teens, my parents got a little dog, and yep, he was crazy too...he
bit everyone but dad, all the time....sure enough, they kept him too

there are alot of things i will never understand about my parents, but after reading
some of your stories, i can come closer to being able to forgive them for their hoarding
and strange behavior
thanks again

COH & ACOA Joined: Jul 22, 2006 Posts: 2031 Location: Cabo

Hi Satori! Welcome!

Please remember:
"It wasn't *your* fault things were that way."

Sorry to hear how badly you were scratched.

The more you learn about this disorder and the element of control involved, the more you will know there was absolutely nothing you could have done differently to change things.

Glad you are here.
Donna

Active Member Joined: Apr 29, 2008 Posts: 441

Kids and animals are my Achilles Heel. I felt I was raised with the survival of the fittest method around all kinds of animals. When I was 5 we got a large pony who bucked me off every day. No one supervised or seemed to think this was an odd way to learn to ride. If I screamed loud enough they would check to see if anything was broken. After the pony we got a 16.2 hand horse who was a former rental horse and he had an arsenal of tricks. In this atmosphere I developed an eerie connection with animals so I could avoid mishaps. When my daughter wanted a horse I handpicked one with an exceptional disposition and had both of them professionally trained in a sand arena for safety. My daughter wears a helmet! It took me 2 months to choose the family cat from the Animal Shelter. I found the gentlest cat who would not scratch (I was raised with wild cats you could not pick up). The dog is perfectly behaved as well. I told her to never keep an animal you don't enjoy, it's not worth it.