Would you have gone to a support group?

COH & ACOA Joined: Jul 22, 2006 Posts: 2049 Location: Cabo

Did you need/Would you have gone to a support group for children of hoarders as a child if you knew of one?
Did you not feel like you needed one?

If you did feel like you needed one, what would have made it more comfortable for you to go?

Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 1:45 pm Post subject:

I doubt a support group for children of hoarders would work. It would be akin to a child of an alcoholic going to ALANON. Who would see that they got the the meetings? Surely not the hoarder. And as we know, with hoarding comes manipulation and paranoia and guilt trips. It could turn into more of a nightmare than it already is.

I remember the first time I sought professional help for myself. My hoarder was sooooo angry. She was sure I was going just to talk about her and make her look bad. It was miserable, and as I was still living at home, I finally gave up and stopped going.

It was easier to keep my feelings inside and question whether things were really as bad as I felt they were than to actively seek help and incite her angry, paranoid, narciccistic side, and thus prove that yes, things really are that bad.

Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:50 pm Post subject:

Lisa,
Isn't it amazing that we have parents who care more about themselves, and how other's perceive them, than they care about how their children are feeling/coping/living. They would rather that their children remain unhappy and conflicted than they get the help that they need. How SICK is that? How they are perceived by others, even total strangers, is more important than their children's health and well being. Sick, sick, sick, and selfish, selfish, selfish.

Why are their feelings ALWAYS more important than their children's feelings? GGGRRRRRR................

Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 7:06 am Post subject:

.....shhh.....it's that the kids know the secret already..... and everyone else doesn't..... shhhhh...........

Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 2:37 am Post subject:

Of course! And that's always THE most important thing! <slaps forehead>

Valued Member Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 13

I used to come home from high school and clean up the house then go to work. When I got home from work, the house was a mess again and I cleaned up after school again. This went on like this until I moved on my own--when I turned 21. Since I was old enough to clean up, my mom's room was the place she kept everything oh--the refrigerator. Before then, it was every room. There was always an odor regardless of how much my brother and I took the trash out. We couldn't have company. An emergency happened where my friends had to come into my house because we were being chased and I was so embarrassed. After that day, those friends stopped being my friend.

I used to want to run away daily. I thought about calling the authorities so they could put me in foster care. I watched and heard my mom crying all the time in her room...with her things. She has been trying to clean up for the last 36 years! She had done counseling but with someone in this type of mindset, it is so much deeper. It is never ending and if I was able to have some type of support group where I could have learned, I wasn't the only kid going through this, then I wouldn't have had to battle depression and suicidal thoughts while growing up! I didn't understand none of this until 10 years ago when hoarding started to become more public. I really thought I was the only kid living like this. It was so bad that I stepped on glass, rotten food, was called names by kids because I had an odor.

Yes, I could have benefited from a support group. I'm so glad I was able to see Dr Phil today and hear about this website. Thank you because now I can vent because to this day...no one understands how painful it is.

Valued Member Joined: Dec 09, 2008 Posts: 11

If there was a support group for children being held captive by there parents need to hoard, my childhood might not have been so unbearable.
Just to be able to connect with others who could put words where I couldn't, or paint a picture describing the same condition I was in would have been wounderful. But to be completely and 100% honest, who knows what would or could have been, all we can do is dream right?