Belittling of work you have done

COH Under 18 yrs. Joined: Oct 28, 2007 Posts: 25

Have you ever done hard graph housework (cleaning not clearing) to find that your hoarder parent doesn't notice or forgets soon after that you actually ever did anything - do they shout at you for not doing housework saying "when was the last time you hoovered?" when infact the last time you hoovered was about 5 years more recently than they hoovered. I was just wondering if this belittling of work the child has done is common amongst hoarder parents. To be honest it makes me feel awful and like i shouldn't bother cleaning since no one cares (it's just me and my mother at home) and i find her non-caring attitude towards work i do really disheartening and hard to deal with.
Does anyone else have this problem too,..i'd love to hear your stories if you do x

Active Member Joined: Apr 29, 2008 Posts: 441

When you begin cleaning it can be taken as criticism because she knows that you notice the mess and feels very defensive. The normal reaction would be a big Thank you, but hurt feelings masked by anger are more common. My mom washed dishes every day for a family of six and swept floors sometimes. If we cleaned a sink or bathroom she didn't complain, but we were clearly being abnormal clean freaks in her mind. We had lots of chores like taking out the trash and feeding animals. but we were not allowed to throw out her stuff. We could straighten it, dust it, organize it, but it stayed. Most of it was packed into several old bookcases, boxes, closets, under beds and of course the attic that leaked.

COH Under 18 yrs. Joined: Oct 28, 2007 Posts: 25

My mother actively encourages me to clean, constantly asking to to do numerous chores that she doesn't do herself because she "doesn't have the time" despite not having a job and not really doing anything for me as i am independent now. However if you do actually ever do anything its extremely under appreciated and next time we'll have an argument she'll say i dont do anything.

Active Member Joined: Apr 29, 2008 Posts: 441

For whatever reason, your mom seems to have a low level of functionality. It could be depression, or a myriad of reasons that make it hard to just get out of bed every day. Living there or with a roommate on your own you will share responsibility for the home upkeep. Even though she is not keeping up her end, you could decide what a fair and reasonable share of the work is appropriate for you as a 17 yr. old. Make a schedule and do your best to stick to it so she knows when things get done. You already show a lot of maturity in keeping your own room nice, which is amazing in itself as you have not had the supportive role modeling. It sounds like you have a lot going for you already :)

COH Under 18 yrs. Joined: Feb 15, 2008 Posts: 98

Makes me think of when my mom "taught" me to make amy bed and other stuff. We'd end up doing it fifteen meticulous times each time and it'd never be right. Usually at someone else's house too, like grandma's. I'd be nine or seven or something. It'd be lame. The belittle-thing. my sister got a lot of that I think...heh. I think it's an OCD thing about control. There have been a lot of things like that, like school work she wanted to check and random lame stuff.