Advice about secret clearing for COH still at home.

COH Under 18 yrs. Joined: Oct 28, 2007 Posts: 25

As a child of a hoarder who has lived with hoarding as long as is physically possible to remember (although that said i did not always know what it was and why it was happening - especially when i was much younger, i am now 17) I have often dreamt of how to free myself of the shackles and labelling of which comes by association from my mother (my father passed away when i was six and since then my mother has has free reign over the house, hoarding as she pleases). Having had an extremely long time to mull over what i should do i finally decided on something. Having my own living space within the house. My bedroom had long since been taken over with my mothers stuff and promises of "if you pack your stuff into bags ill check it out and take it to the charity shop" - however since all of my attempts to do clearing out as my mother pleased deemed fruitless i decided enough was enough - I was going to at LEAST have my bedroom back. And so during one of my breaks from school, while my mother was gone (from family issues) I decided to reign in the help from a school friend who could drive and clear my bedroom (who is also extremely understanding and fully aware of my situation and would never blab at school - i am lucky for my friend group). I spent the first few days on my own sorting through stuff quickly and efficiently and after that i was ready to go to the dump/charity shops with said friend and then for a celebratory mc'donalds!
When my mother returned of course she went through the usual hoarder emotions - shock, anger, disbelief and umpteen questions about where the stuff was (just stick it out and don't answer, i know it wears you down but it will stop i promise). And now a month or two later my mother is over it and has stopped asking and i have a perectly tidy and organized bedroom and although the rest of my house is barely habitable i still have this safe haven - the eye in the storm if you like, which is mine. Where i can escape the mess and problems.
I would encourage any child of a hoarder living at home to try and do this. It is a good compromise as it only involves clearing one room, which is after all,..your room. It contains mostly your stuff and so your stuff which you'll be getting rid of and so the hoarder is not AS upset as they would be if it were "there" stuff (although they may claim right over the stuff). From my experience although it wasn't easy and in the beginning my mother was rather upset - i feel the end result was really worth it.
Please let me know if you decide to do this technique which i am going to call "Mini intervention".
Good luck and god bless
Amy xx

COH & ACOA Joined: Jul 22, 2006 Posts: 2031 Location: Cabo

Amy,

I am sorry for the loss of your father.

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Wow-Congratulations on the sanctuary of your room!!! Another member here, ThatGuy who is also 16, he did a similar thing to reclaim his room with some friends. You deserve your own space free of chaos! Thumb's up!

Donna

COH Under 18 yrs. Joined: Feb 15, 2008 Posts: 98

Holy crap. I did the same thing about two months ago. I almost got kicked out though and they still haven't gotten over it. It feels great though! I know! celebrate!