My life with a prima donna

Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 9:20 pm Post subject: My life with a prima donna

My Mom was the center of my grandparents world, she was their princess and what she wanted she got, even when they had to go into debt.

Her Mother, my dear Grandmother looked after us since my old man split for months or even years at a time.
My Mother went to work, Mom Mom packed the lunches and passed out her discipline. 4 kids, and no money my Mom showered us with gifts at all the holidays , then her and my Grandmother would argue about the money she spent. All during the 60s .
The house was always dirty and cluttered with hallways blocked and clothes everywhere. I always wrote it off that my grandmother was to old to keep a clean house, we were given chores but was always a battle to get us to clean our rooms etc. Our basement was so overpacked I used it as a haunted house and charged the neighboursa 10 cents to go thru it.
I only realized the house was messy when I started having friends over and they would say stuff. Wow, that was a shocker.
So then it became my only mission in life to get out.
I wanted to be adult my whole childhood so I could get out.

My Mom mom is 9 years gone now and the thumb on the pocketbook went with her. Getting to my relationship with her, for years it has been only on the phone, she would call to complain about this relative or that and I would sit ,listen and give her rational advice. I recently relocated back to the area since my younger brother, mothers only true guardian ,was about to walk away.
I have been back two months and my Mom hates my guts at this point.
I have exposed all her financial games to all my relatives.
She also hates me for selling things , that her and I went through for 5 hours one day. After sitting for 5 hours untangling 1000's of beads and gold chains , she is accusing me of stealing from her.
My younger brother is acting as a go between at this point.
My sister also hates me for all the problems I am causing in my instistance on getting rid of Moms stuff.
Just the surface.
Thanks again for this special place.

Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 9:43 pm Post subject:

Hi Hejira,
How hazardous is her situation? You may have to walk away. If your sister and others are going to enable her, your only option may be the authorities. Or to walk away.

Job #1: Take care of you!
Believe me, I understand how consuming it is. Especially when they don't want your help, blame you, attack you.

Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:55 pm Post subject:

I have guessed in the wee hours of the morning I will get a call from the police saying , the house burnt down with her in it, or she slipped on the stairs and fell to her death ,or she ate something horribly spoiled which poisoned her, it is never she died peacefully in her sleep, and it always makes the news.....

Active Member Joined: Apr 29, 2008 Posts: 441

How often does your sister check on your mom? She certainly does look like a Martha Stewart. Is it possible to divide the time invested among the siblings and agree to some plan of maintenance? I often felt like I was from another planet trying to deal with siblings, but even if the help seems uneven it is better than nothing.

I know what it is to worry and feel like you are the only one who can fix the situation, but for your own preservation I hope there is something the others can give. In spite of her having a horrible boarder, at least it is another set of eyes and ears that may help in an emergency. It's not easy finding people to live with a hoarder. Good luck to you; I realize it's very very hard.

Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:33 am Post subject:

When my sister feels well, when her many ailments are not sidelining her she will on occasion take my mother shopping...... I politely asked her to spend time with her sorting her clothes or taking her to the movies , anything but shopping...she told me it was none of my business what she does with Mom. I have basically told her her actions will come to bite her in the butt because if we do not tackle this problem while she is alive we will have to deal with it when she is dead. I believe since she has no social contact outside her home that she is also a hoarder, I have not been invited to her home in over ten years and my younger brother has not been there in at least 5 . She resents me for living my life and has said "where have you been in the last 17 years" completely ignoring the fact that she lives 17 miles away. When I confronted her with that fact she said she had her own home to watch after. Again my faithful younger brother is acting as a go between to get her to come around on what we are trying to accomplish, she could not live without him because his daughter is a carbon copy of her as a child. We are not using the childern as pawns by the way, none of these issues are every discussed in front of his kids, but they know their grandmothers house is a place that is not safe enough for them to go into.

Active Member Joined: Mar 27, 2008 Posts: 54

hejira33312 wrote:

I wanted to be adult my whole childhood so I could get out.

Boy, do I understand that. I'm glad we are here for you!