I'm lost here in Calgary I got lost in the hoard

I have PISS.

Nate left me he is haveing a breakdon I'm having one I had a misscarage I'm so numb and dead inside Help

Christine SOS

Active Member Joined: Apr 29, 2008 Posts: 495

Christine, I am so sorry you are in a crisis now. You sound understandably distraught. Please take care of yourself, try to stay strong, and reach a better place by getting the help and support you need as soon as possible. Let us know how you are doing!

Active Member Joined: Jan 24, 2007 Posts: 140

Christine,

I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Please stay safe and let us know how you're doing. We do care about you. friends & support

Scar

Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:48 am Post subject:

We are here for you! Talk it out here.....it helps, I know....

Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:25 am Post subject:

Christine,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Take the time you need for yourself and find a way to let it out, whether here, friends or even a professional... thoughts and prayers. friends & support

Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 11:05 am Post subject: hey

ok My life so sucks.

Beacuse of me being so fucked up by teh hoard and cleanout I was scared and kept pushing nate away, Like I did when friends got too close. Because of helping my Mom the emotional insest was hard core and I was not my self.

I'm 26 and jsut has gotten through to me that for teh past 26 years i have been so emtionaly abused, and programed and it took loosing him to see that, and no matter how many time he told me that Mom was abusing me it took all this for me to "re-boot" and see. and he is so mad that It did take loosing him for me to see.

And he does not understand,I love him with all my heart and I don't know how to get it through to him and get him back. All I can do I pray, and wait

I so messed up, and I can't fix it all I can do is wait and hope he comes around, and this morning he and I slept together and all he said after was I'm so soory I started that and I feel so bad and I can't do that again Banging you on head

. now I feel alful, I can't beleave I was a partisapant and did that Banging head against wall

I'm finaly stopped crying but my soul is screaming all the time, I have lost so much weight 8 pounds in less then a week.lost in memphis by big house IS MY THEME song.

I have called a counsling centre and I will get a call back for a appointment by this wed, on saturday a mobile resonce team came to my place to talk to me. So I am trying to take the right steps.

I don't know if it will help if I tried to get him to join the group, or if he is there, I want to save teh relationship but he does not know, he has been waiting for me for 5 years and now I am here and he is gone and my heart is gone as well. I'm lost without him I love him still.

Christine
Missing Nate

Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:53 pm Post subject:

Christine,

Despite everything that has happened you are thinking clearly enough to know that you need help, and you have taken steps to make that happen. You've called a counselor and you are letting us in on what's going on. These are big things because they mean that you are still strong inside and understand the importance of not giving up.

Nate has to take care of himself too, and maybe he thinks this is how it has to be done. He's angry that it took losing him for you to realize you have been emotionally abused, but you can't change that. Your history of emotional incest with your mom and dealing with her problems set that ball in motion.

Given the fact that you were together this morning, I can't help but wonder if the relationship may still be salvaged. Even if he's not aware of the hoarding he's aware of the emotional distress you have and he may come around if he sees you taking positive steps to break the cycle. If he has "been waiting" for you for 5 years it's hard to imagine he would give up now, when you've just had your first epiphany about the relationship between you and your mother and how it has affected how you relate with others.

Even though your heart is breaking over the relationship, I think it would be a good idea to focus more on getting that professional help right now. if it helps motivate you, you can think of it as finally putting some demons to rest and making yourself emotionally ready to be in an adult committed relationship 100%. Maybe with Nate... maybe with someone else, but the person you have to do it for is You first. I daresay the rest will fall into place naturally after that.

At 26 you've got a lot of life ahead of you and it would be so wonderful to witness your healing and applaud your positive progress. We all share your past in one way or another and we all care very much. Please keep us informed.