PA: Mom let home go to pieces

Valued Member Joined: Jan 22, 2007 Posts: 3

From my local newspaper.
I don't know which is sadder: 1)the fact that this happened, 2) that she's so young, or 3)that the people responding to this article have no idea what her problem is and that she won't get the help she needs.

Sigh :(

http://www.mcall.com/news/local/all-b1_5neglect.6673885nov18,0,7089419.story

believer728

Active Member Joined: Apr 29, 2008 Posts: 495

That is so very sad. She is very young to have such a severe case and that makes me wonder about overlying mental conditions and her history. I hope they will find a safe place for her kids.

Active Member Joined: Feb 28, 2008 Posts: 127

That is young to begin the hoarding behaviors. Although I think it is less of an age thing and more of a depression thing in some cases. I do believe that is the root of my mothers hoarding. She was 39 when she started hoarding. And I know she was having marital problems with my dad and her ex-husband at the time. We had lice. We had cockroaches and mice. We did look neglected and did go to school. In grade school the teachers (one in particular) used to pull me down to the nurses office and shove a bar of soap in my hand and tell me to "wash up" the smell was making her nauseated. I always felt so worthless and the teachers didn't help any. I remember one time the nurses came through to do a head check and I really did not have lice that time but they sent me down to the office anyway because my hair was so filthy. I was so embarrassed. The nurse asked me when was the last time I had a bath and I said "Sunday" which in actuality it had been about 2 weeks. I will never ever make my kids go through what our mom put us through, depression or not. Therapy

Active Member Joined: Apr 29, 2008 Posts: 495

Sounds familiar Bluangel. Bathing more than once a week was considered vanity. When I was six I had hair down to my waist and I was in charge of brushing it. The teacher complained to my mom so every morning she brushed it into a tight ponytail. I looked like a 6 yr. old with a facelift. In middle school we had gym showers and hygiene classes, thank god. I don't know how we avoided lice, but we did. The mice were cute, we kept some for pets...

Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 12:28 pm Post subject:

How sad for the kids and for the young mother. I hope they find out why she's depressed. Said she'd been so sine March. Did something happen? I think people can be depressed and let their homes go and neglect their children and not be hoarders. It may be a situation she can get over or get through, and be able to take care of her children again. I hope so.

Valued Member Joined: Jan 22, 2007 Posts: 3

I agree that maybe she is just depressed but I know that my mom (the hoarder) would probably admit to being depressed too but would never admit to being a hoarder. How can we know for sure about her unless we get more information?
I've been depressed also but for my house to get that out of control would just send me over the edge! In fact, I seem to get anxious when just "normal" clutter is in the house. Ahhhh, the craziness of a being a COH. :)
I did think it was interesting that the lawyer wants the dad charged, too. How much responsibility does he have, considering he is their parent but also that he didn't live there? Does this mean in some way that I could be prosecuted down the road if I let my parents continue to live this way, like elder abuse? (They're only in their 50s but I'm looking ahead.) I don't think so but it's an interesting question.

Here's the link:
http://www.mcall.com/news/local/all-b5_5mulero.6681456nov22,0,163278.story

Active Member Joined: Apr 29, 2008 Posts: 495

The hoarding disorder has a thought process that is universal. Their brains seem to mutate into processing info the same way; quite eerie, like pod people. Health problems and other mental issues like depression contribute to the the severity of hoarding, but the difference is many of those would accept help/cleaning for them.

In my case, I have Chronic Fatigue and the last thing I feel like doing is housework. I focus on one thing that needs cleaned at a time and clean in intervals, but I clean! Being a COH, I too find clutter depressing and when they drag me away in a body bag I'm sure I will reach out and straighten something before I leave.

So indecisiveness, feeling overwhelmed, and anxiety about losing their comfort above all logic has to be added to define a hoarder. They also invent their own mythology to explain their emotions. Having a "relaxed" home vs. those sterile environments, being thrifty, saving for an important event like global disaster where they will outlive us all.