Some Self-Help Tools for you:
Tools for self-help, main page on COH site
(Tools page on HelpingHoarders.com)
Cost-Benefit Analysis for Compulsive Hoarders
Dysfunctional Thought Record
Inspirational Quotes
Online Support Groups
Questions to ask yourself while decluttering
Rating Your Anxiety Level (SUDS)

Thank you to the member here who sent this information to me to post!:
an excerpt from OnlineOrganizing newsletter:


GIFTS

If a gift giver gives you a gift FREELY, then it belongs to you and only you. You can do with it whatever you want! It's yours; you own it now. It's now your property! But on the other hand, if the gift giver gives you a gift with STRINGS attached, then they really didn't give you a gift. You know your gift has strings attached if the gift giver:

*expects you to keep it forever

*expects to see you enjoying, using, or displaying their gift

*asks, "Where is such and such?"

*asks, "Why don't I ever see you using such and such?"

*Instead of a gift, they've given you fear, guilt, and a BURDEN that you must keep their gift, carry it around, and display it. Many fear they must hang onto gifts given to them. Even if never used. Even if they don't like it. Even if it doesn't fit their needs. Fearing by giving it away they will betray the gift giver. Oh the POWER they have over you.

another excerpt from a different article:

LETTING GO OF OLD ROLES

You are in CONTROL of your life now! You get to decide and take responsibility for your actions. Not the people that might have done you an injustice. Not the people that couldn't give you what you wanted or needed. Not the people that might have given you too much or too little. Not the people that have hurt you in some way. If you feel you are lacking something in your life then just visit any shelter, without judgment, and just see what lack really is. What do you have that you can give to others?

FINDING PEACE

Once you start releasing (giving) the things that might be causing your pain, anxiety, or sorrow then get ready to start receiving (getting) the things you really need, want, or have been dreaming or wishing for. The Universe is very powerful and will quickly REPLACE the things in your life that you've let go of freely with those of your true needs or desires. Victim of something -- probably. FREEDOM to change and make choices -- absolutely!

Choosing A New Response
Common Fears Everyone has fears-it is a natural part of being human. Fear can protect us from harm by sending a rush of adrenaline to help us physically deal with potential danger. But there are times when fear may keep us from participating fully in life. Once we realize that fear is a state of mind, we can choose to face our fears, change our minds, and create the life we want to live.

Our minds are powerful tools to be used by our higher selves; like computers, storing and using data to make certain connections between thought and response. We have the ability to observe these and choose differently. No matter where the fear came from, we can create new connections by choosing new thoughts. When our souls and minds are in alignment, we create a new experience of reality. This journey requires many small steps, as well as patience and courage through the process. Here's an example: You decide to overcome your fear of driving on the freeway.

Your plan of action starts with examining your thoughts and finding a new way of seeing the situation. When you're ready, you enlist a calm companion to support you as you take the first step of merging into the slow lane and using the first exit. Your heart may be racing, but your confidence will be boosted by the accomplishment. Repeat this until you are comfortable, with or without help, and then drive one exit further. When you are ready, you can try driving in the middle lane, for longer periods each time, until you find yourself going where you want to go. This gradual process is similar for conquering any fear, but if you find it overwhelming, you can always seek the help of a professional. You may think that you are the only one with a particular fear, that nobody else could possibly be scared of ordinary things such as water, heights, public speaking, or flying. These types of fears are very common, and you can have great success overcoming them.

Remember, it is not the absence of the fear but the courage to take action anyway that determines success. When we learn to face our fears, we learn to observe our thoughts and feelings but not be ruled by them. Instead we choose how to shape the lives we want.

Techniques to try...

"I MIGHT NEED IT LATER"
One question you might ask yourself is, "What do people who don't hoard do when they need something?" The answer is probably that they go to the shops to buy the item—or to a friend or relation to borrow the item—at the point in time when they need it.

They don't stockpile goods as if they were a hardware store in case they need a 3/8" Phillips head self-tapping screw at some point in the future—when they need such a screw they toddle off to the hardware
store and buy it.

"I MIGHT NOT REMEMBER"
an event or something of sentimental value
Journals and photographs hold on to your memoriesYou can keep your memories in a journal. Instead of keeping objects as mementos and souvenirs, preserve the past in a book. You can journal your way out of "squalor." Record your memories, hopes, thoughts and dreams in words and pictures, rather than building piles as dusty monuments to your sentimental side.

Sometimes a bulky item holds a special memory, perhaps because your child created it. Consider photographing it. Some cameras even date photographs automatically. You can preserve the memory in an album or photo box, without keeping the item itself.

E-SAVE
If you're attempting to keep and manage all the information you acquire, consider this:

Don't stockpile books, magazines, newspapers, recipes and articles in case you might use them one day. Use libraries and the Internet to retrieve information as and when you need it.

I MIGHT THROW SOMETHING AWAY OF MONETARY VALUE
I might feel distressed or upset The thought of throwing things away might be worse than actually
doing it. It might not feel as bad as you think, and the bad feeling might not last as long as you think.

IF I WASTE THINGS, SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN
Sharing: dispersal instead of disposal: If you have difficulty discarding - if you can't let go of objects without anxiety, start slowly and gently. Try sharing or giving away to charities rather than throwing things away.

It gets easier with time and practice. How do you feel one minute after letting go of something? How do you feel 24 hours later? Have you given up anything of real value? How regretful do you feel? Can
you tolerate this feeling until it goes away? Is there another way to think about this?

Trust that your future needs will be provided for. Take note of every time you let go of something, and disaster doesn't occur.

*Adapted From Squalor Survivors Website

Reaching Out To A Person That Hoards:
How To Talk About It-Ideas on things to show your hoarding loved one
Advice from family members
Send in your advice

Resources:
Main page on the HelpingHoarders.com site with pull-down menu or...
Cleaning Companies by state
Crisis cleaning advice, including discarding & donating
Doctors, Therapists & Counselors by state/country
Elderly/Aging & Legal Resources
Hoarding Task Forces by state & related news stories
Professional Organizers specializing in chronic disorganization (also see companion site)
Treatment Centers & Support Groups for compulsive hoarders by state/country

E.R.P.
Exposure & Response/Ritual Prevention: A type of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that is designed to break two types of associations that occur in OCD: The association between objects and situations that cause distress, the association between carrying out ritualistic behavior to decrease distress. A method of therapy for treating Hoarding.

The goal is to demonstrate we can have thoughts and experience distress without participating in rituals (rituals are "banned" for full immersion in anxiety)without losing control or "having to shut anxiety down." This is to show rituals are short term anxiety relievers that in fact increase obsessions, and that rituals are not the only way to decrease anxiety.

Exposure
A procedure in which you are purposely confronted with objects or situations that promote distress and stay in those situations without performing rituals ("banned")long enough for anxiety to decrease by itself.

C.O.H.U.G.E.T.
COH Unhealthy Guilt Erradication Team, created by norse:

What is COHUGET?
Post from norse, 8/2006:

Initially I was concerned about some of the guilt that various people in the group were experiencing. It seemed like it wasn't really guilt that they had done anything to deserve, so this post was the result:

Guilt is not necessarily a bad thing.

Guilt can be like pain.

Pain is nature's way of telling people that whatever they just did is not something that they should repeat. Healthy guilt is a good thing, especially if I am listening to my inner voice. The majority of people have a problem with not feeling guilty often enough, especially in this day and age of "You don't have any right to judge me."

COH on the other hand have a tendancy to have the opposite problem. Because our hoarders frequently blame us for their problems (see above paragraph), we often accept that blame because.... Well, let's face it, we didn't have the tools emotionally to reply back that the problem wasn't that we weren't doing enough around the house. We were dependant on our parents for survival and we didn't really have any other option other than accepting the guilt.

Well, I am writing today on behalf of the COH Unhealthy Guilt Erradication team. I have very good news for everyone here at COH. Today and tomorrow are officially "No Unhealthy Guilt for All COH members" weekend. Now since many of us struggle with knowing whether a specific guilty feeling is healthy or not, I will provide a list of healthy versus unhealthy guilt.

Healthy Guilt
-Murder
-Hurting animals intentionally(except for recognized pests)
-Child abuse
-Setting off nuclear weapons

Unhealthy Guilt
-Not knowing what to do in regard to our hoarder
-Finding humor in the situation our hoarders have put us in
-Telling our hoarder how they have affected us
-Not telling our hoarder how they have affected us
-Calling the state to report our hoarders
-Not calling the state to report our hoarders
-Cleaning out the hoard without their knowledge or permission
-Not cleaning out the hoard

For the rest of the weekend, you don't have to feel guilty. You have done the best job you knew how to. Venting your feelings here any way that helps you (sarcasm, laughter, ranting, anger, etc..) is a very good thing. There is no better or safer place to do that. We have been beatup, injured, and yes abused by our hoarders. Read that last line again. Your emotions are okay, whatever they are.

Enjoy the weekend. Your hoarder and your guilt will be there Monday, unless this is a massive cleanout weekend for you, and you probably won't be reading this anyway. For those who are doing clean outs this weekend, the next 4 days after the cleanout are your No Unhealthy Guilt days (You deserve the double days).

Now, take the guilt off and put it down someplace out of the way. The back of the coat closet, or under the kitchen sink are two suggestions. There doesn't that feel better? Enjoy!!-norse

---

That seemed to strike a chord with people so I decided it needed an acronym because the full name was too much to type over and over. So COHUGET was launched....... From now until the end of the weekend, the COHUGET (pronounced co- huge-tee) has declared a "No Unhealthy Guilt" warning. This is a warning, not a watch.

That means that you need to stash your unhealthy guilt now and leave it stashed until Monday morning. The previous stash sites are acceptable (under the kitchen sink, behind the fridge), but the recommended unhealthy guilt stashing site is under the nearest pile of dog excrement. The nastier the better, that way you will be much less inclined to retrieve it before Monday morning. Notice that I did not say "your dogs....".

The ownership of the dog is irreverent. NO WAIT!!!! I am irreverent. The ownership of the dog is irrelevant. We hope you enjoy the weekend free of the burden of the guilt that you should never have been given. It wasn't your fault, it isn't your fault, and it never will be your fault! -norse

P.I.S.S.
Post Intervention Stress Sydrome
Refers to the emotions felt, similar to PTSD, after an intervention or clean-out, whether successful or not.

Created by norse:
Wed Aug 30, 2006
"It seems like the majority of COH have a significant let down after an intervention. It seems like it doesn't matter a whole lot whether the intervention was a complete success, a partial success, or extremely disappointing.

My guess is that the pre-intervention period creates huge amounts of hope, and anticipation, the intervention itself involves incredible amounts of stress trying to keep all the balls in the air and deal with the raw nerves, frayed tempers, etc. No matter the outcome there is a huge let down when it is all over.

It can take weeks, and sometimes longer to get through. I think it could be a very good resource to have some of the people coming off of interventions sort of keep a diary of sorts here. We could offer our own experiences and see if there is any consistency. It might be helpful for COH that are preparing for their first intervention to know that this is a normal reaction.
-norse

PS: The acronym was an accident, but I love it!!!!!Post-Intervention Stress Syndrome a.k.a. PISS.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

-Disassociation/Emotional Numbing

Wonderful Strangers

What is *your* definition of the "Wonderful Stranger" we talk about? I was hoping everyone could send in their interpretation. That way, when new people join, they can say "MY HOARDING PARENT DOES THAT TOO!" Like we know they probably will! Thanks.-Donna

Quote: My definition, Wonderful Stranger=
A non family member of a Hoarder whose opinions, advice and suggestions are valued above the family. WS's can have very limited contact with the Hoarder, but they way they are described by Hoarder they sound like close, personal, loving friends. WS's are not allowed to see the ugly side of the Hoarding life, only what the Hoarder chooses to present to them and have them believe. WS's can =bank tellers, grocery store clerks, lunch ladies who are never invited in and couldn't tell you Hoarder's favorite color or where Hoarder grew up, school chums from 60 years ago that have never even sent a Cmas card, etc-Donna.

Quote: My definition of a wonderful stranger:
A person, usually of the opposite sex, often works in sales, who flatters or otherwise gives attention in a way that makes the hoarder think the wonderful stranger is the nicest, most decent person in the world. They are considered to have the best advice (that trumps anything that family would say), and they are the only person who really gets the hoarder, according to the hoarder. This is typically all in the hoarders head, and based purely on surface conversation.

They frequently have been known less than a year (if not less than a week). Once they are known better, they cease to be wonderful strangers and frequently there is a rift. Example: My mother decided one year that my brother and I should have the exact same plaid shirt from the Gap, because a nice young man from a house-painting company that made a sales call had the same shirt and he was cute. I did not like the shirt and neither did my brother. Personal banker is another one I can think of that my mother tells all about her personal life. Does not seem to get that this person (and other wonderful strangers) are trying to make money off of her, which is why they listen and smile. In fact, she may be on to this fact, but does not want to admit it to herself.-PaperMonster

Quote: Elizabeth
The Wonderful Strangers are the ones who know nothing about the hoarder's behavior in his/her own home, know nothing about the physical environment the hoarder has forced on family members, and know nothing about the hoarder's problems in close family relationships. In short, the Wonderful Stranger knows nothing at all, but the hoarder recognizes that this lack of knowledge gives the WS a very special perspective, unbiased and unprejudiced. The WS is like a plane hovering high in the sky, not close enough to see any details, so every house and car on the ground look about the same. The WS is a big comfort to hoarders, who sometimes wish that everyone was so far away and distant that they couldn't see the mess, couldn't see how troubled the hoarder really is. The thoughts and opinions of close family members can never compete with those of a WS... the WS can be trusted much more than the close family members (who are too obsessed with and distracted by the hoarding problem to have any valid ideas)-Elizabeth

Quote: From Gwyneth:
Donna wrote: "WS's are not allowed to see the ugly side of the Hoarding life, only what the Hoarder chooses to present to > them and have them believe. "

I'd change "ugly side of the Hoarding life" to something like 'a balanced view of, or real story behind, the hoarder's life, living conditions or family relationships' because the problem isn't just seeing the hoard itself, it's that the hoarder turns these wonderful strangers into enablers who support the hoarder in his/her misinterpretation of reality. Otherwise, great job!

I'd also put in that the problem may be worst with the ones who get paid--accountants, lawyers, insurance agents--which can create amazingly difficult situations, both because of the confidential nature of that kind of transaction, and the real-world implications of the hoarder getting advice that is either inept or based solely on the distorted reality the hoarder presents.

Quote: From nashbabe:
I agree. "Wonderful Strangers" can be benign, but they can also be predatory. I am tired of the salesperson at the flower shop who obviously has endeared themselves to my MIL so she is spending hundreds on fresh flowers each month because she wants them around. Never mind that she cannot even come close to affording them. I am tired of the insurance agent who has called us twice in the last 24 hours feigning a service mentality when in reality he hasn't been in touch for eons and only now sees an opportunity to get some more of her business. I'm sure she "loves" him. She was crushed when she learned her auto insurance agency had been purchased by another company and the agents were all let go. She couldn't believe the agent never contacted her because "she loves me." Riiiiiiight.

And I'm REALLY tired of predatory telemarketers who continue to get my MIL to buy hundreds of bucks of stuff she doesn't need (who the heck needs thirty 7-year lightbulbs for $200-plus in a two room apartment?). I'm sure the telemarketers put on their best friendly chatty tone with her. What kills me is she won't answer the phone when we call, by and large, but she is obviously taking these telemarketing calls. WSs either don't know and interact with the hoarder, or know and have to hide it in order to make money off of the hoarder. If a WS ever becomes more than just a business relationship, they may get to know what is really going on, confront the hoarder, and get the boot from the hoarder's life. That has happened to my MIL on several occasions.

Quote: From Cassandra:
My mom's Wonderful Strangers are mostly bus drivers, a few baristas, Safeway clerks and book and record store owners--a mostly male captive audience with whom she gets to chat in short installments. Of the ones I've met, they do seem like good, kind, decent people. People who are patient with her monologues and her obsessions with cats and music and too polite to put her off. (One of these people is a friend of my brother's and he said to her "Well, Mom may be crazy, but she hides it pretty well." Response: silence and a shake of the head. "Maybe a little?" "Nope." "Can she hide it at all?" "Nope, she's definitely crazy.") I would not call any of these people "friends". Yet she gushes about them in way I've never heard her do with her own family. Some of them really are lonely and appreciate the attention Mom gives them. If you have a "theme", such as "cats" or "trains" or "The Beatles", she will buy you things relating to that theme. Yet she cannot fathom what members of her own family might like as gifts (because we are assertive enough to say when we don't like something, which makes us ungrateful).

She is prepared to sell her house to one of these people, without checking in with her family, and I suspect he may be taking advantage of her. She has given my phone number to one of these people, whom she had just met, because he said he was looking for a girlfriend. (This is the same mother who was convinced we would be axe-murdered at summer camp or snatched by a stranger with candy off the street.) So, to sum up: Nice, polite people who haven't yet crossed her mental, emotional or physical boundaries, and who may know she's a little "off" but don't know just how squalid her living conditions are. People who may believe all the negative things she says about her family, and whose advice she trusts without question. Helpful if handsome and male, though there is no romantic fantasy involved. Her family should be prepared to hear the entire life story of various WS's, tales about their children and pets, career highlights, etc. while at the same time the hoarder will not be able to remember the family member's favorite color, names of best friends, college major, etc.

Quote: From Janice:
A Wonderful Stranger is a person who needs help. The hoarder can help him/her and seem like a martyr, spending all her free time on the w.s., not on herself. Little does the w.s. know that he/she is being used as an excuse for the squalor to increase due to neglect. The w.s. will never see the home and and is often disabled or house-bound. It helps if the w.s. has an emotional problem and feels bad about themselves and would never guess that the hoarder has bigger problems.

Quote: From Tawnya:
For my mom, a wonderful stranger is someone who knows her only superficially, but they validate her self-worth. I don't know how many times I heard of the people at the nursing care facility, "They JUST LOVE me here." The opinions of wonderful strangers are more highly valued than those of real authorities, if it is something my mom would prefer to hear. i.e. "The nurse said I don't have to use my walker all the time, as long as I'm careful," when the physical therapist has said *always* use the walker.

Quote: From Tracy:
This is what drove me nuts about my mother. God forbid if some stranger who doesn't even know you says something nice. But nevermind your family all stressed out about the way you live because we love you and want better for you. We are just STRESSING YOU OUT. I felt like saying to my Mom several times GET A GRIP WOMAN, normal people don't live this way and if these people knew how you lived they would lose respect for you. ARG!

W.U.E.D.
"Walls up, Expectations Down", term created by norse/nash about being careful not to get hopes up.

Adult Children of Alcoholic's Characteristics (ACOA) & Roles
The following information came from here (pdf file)

Many non-ACoAs find that the following descriptions also fit them.
The traumas of living with emotionally absent or abusive parents manifest themselves in many ways. An alcoholic family is but one form the problem can take.

Suggestions for ACOAs:(or other adult children of dysfunction)

*Become involved in Alanon and/or Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings, and in individual therapy. By doing this, you will learn:
you are not alone in your pain; and you can learn ways to move beyond the harm you experienced as a child. (If you are concerned that you cannot afford individual counseling, check with local clergy
as many offer counseling services. There are also mental health or treatment providers who offer their services based on income levels.) Your mental health is priceless. You owe it to yourself to seek options for becoming healthy.

*Develop support systems by making those close to you aware of your decision to seek counseling. (Alanon or ACoA groups and counselors will help to provide such a system of support.) Share your decision with friends and family members who will encourage you. Do not share your decision with people who will question you or belittle your decision.

*Learn how to ask for help. (If you go to an Alanon or ACoA group, counselors and fellow ACoAs can help you learn this. In time, you will learn whom you can trust with your struggles.)

*Recognize that you have the right to talk about these issues and you have the right to experience and express emotions.

*If you have children, learn about child development. Seek out and participate in a parent education course to learn skills for relating to your children.

*Check with your local public library for books on this topic to help you understand and overcome a chaotic childhood.

*Finally, know that as an adult, you have survived a childhood that was affected by alcoholism and now you can thrive. It won't be easy, but it will be worth the effort. As the old truism notes, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Start today. Take that life-changing step!
-------------------------------------
Notes:

(1) If you feel that your life is described by these characteristics, please know that you are not alone. Help is available.

(2) This list of characteristics should be read as descriptions, and not as indictments. Initially, ACoAs may see these characteristics as deficits and liabilities.

However, with time and healing, they can become assets. By making changes in their lives, ACoAs can break the cycle of destruction caused by alcoholism (or similar dysfunction) so that their children will not have to experience the same problems and pain.

Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics

When growing up, children of alcoholics learn several basic family survival tactics: don't talk, don't trust and don't feel. A commonly asked question is, "Can a person ever outgrow the effects of growing up as the child of an alcoholic?" The answer is yes, but it is not easy.

Adults who survived a childhood environment where an alcoholic was in residence may continue to experience problems unless they make some life changes. Adult children of alcoholics need to accept the fact that their parent's alcohol abuse negatively affected not only their childhood, but also their adult years. Many adult children of alcoholics continue to support the "don't talk" rule and deny that there were problems in the homes of their youth.

Others might admit that they lived in a chaotic home, but argue that it no longer affects them.
This is rarely true. In his book, A Primer on Adult Children of Alcoholics, Dr. Timmen L. Cermak lists sixteen characteristics that adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs) frequently display. In brief, these characteristics are:

*Fear of losing control.
ACoAs maintain control of their feelings and behavior. In addition,
they try to control the feelings and behavior of others. They do not do this to hurt themselves or others, but because they are afraid. They fear their lives will get worse if they lose control and they become uncomfortable and anxious when they cannot control situations, feelings and behaviors.

*Fear of feelings.
Since childhood and continuing as adults, ACoAs have buried their feelings
(especially anger and sadness). In addition, they've lost the ability to feel or express emotions freely. Eventually they fear all intense feelings, even good ones such as joy and happiness.


*Overdeveloped sense of responsibility.
ACoAs are hypersensitive to the needs of others.
Their self-esteem comes from how others view them. They have a compulsive need to be perfect.

*Guilt feelings.
When ACoAs stand up for themselves instead of giving in to others, they feel guilty. They usually sacrifice their own needs in an effort to be "responsible."

*Inability to relax/let go/have fun.
Having fun is stressful for ACoAs, especially when others are watching. The child inside is terrified; exercising all the control it can muster to be good enough just to survive. Under such rigid control, spontaneity suffers.

*Harsh, even fierce, self-criticism.
ACoAs have very low self-esteem, regardless how competent they may be in many areas.

*Denial. Whenever ACoAs feel threatened, their tendency toward denial intensifies.

*Difficulty with intimate relationships.
To ACoAs, intimacy equates to being out of control.
It requires love for self and expressing one's own needs. As a result, ACoAs frequently have difficulty with sexuality. They repeat unsuccessful relationship patterns.

*Living life as a victim.
ACoAs may be either aggressive or passive victims. They are often attracted to other "victims" in love, friendship and work relationships.

*Compulsive behavior.
ACoAs may work compulsively, eat compulsively, become addicted to
a relationship or behave in other compulsive ways. ACoAs may drink compulsively and become alcoholics themselves.

*Tendency to confuse love and pity.
Because they don't differentiate between these two emotions, ACoAs often "love" people they can pity and rescue.

*Fear of abandonment.
In order not to experience the pain of abandonment, ACoAs will do
anything to hold on to a relationship.

*Tendency to view issues in terms of black or white.
When they are under stress, the gray areas of life disappear and ACoAs see themselves facing an endless series of either/or alternatives.

*Tendency toward physical complaints.
ACoAs suffer higher rates of stress related illnesses (migraine headaches, ulcers, eczema, irritable bowel syndrome, etc.) than the general population.

Books:
Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition. By Janet Woititz. (HCI Publishers, 1990.)

Healthy Parenting: An Empowering Guide for Adult Children. Edited by Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D. (Fireside Books, 1992.)

Websites:
http://www.adultchildren.org
http://www.nacoa.org/

Anxiety at the sound of doorbell, even as adults in our own homes

Posted: Feb 1st, 2007
"My heart still leaps into my chest when the doorbell rings.
Is everything put away? Is there anything the person can see that might embarrass me? Is there dust or dirt somewhere that someone can see? Will they think I'm lazy?

I am NOT one to blame other people for my problems (I'd like to think I succeed in spite of them), but being the daughter of a hoarder and having an ex-husband who said I was lazy all the time just tag-teamed my self-esteem. I suppose I have set extremely high standards for myself and work almost TOO hard to attain them. I am scared, though, that if I let up I will become like my mom. "

Feb 1st, 2007

"I am trying VERY hard to get over the panic of having people over. I look for opportunities to host things, volunteer my house for group activities (the kind of things that bounce around, taking turns hosting) because I feel like it's the OPPOSITE of everything my mother did when I was growing up. I only started doing this in the last couple years, though, since we bought a house and I feel like we have a reasonable amount of space to be comfortable. I have the 'never good enough' phobia about my house and here, I apply it not just to my housekeeping (which is horrible by normal standards... nothing like hoarding, but just plain messy) but the house generally."

Posted: Feb 3rd, 2007

"Oh ya, doorbell dread, as I have dubbed it.
While I don't have any logical reason for it now, it is always there, no matter if my house is spotless, which only happens when we are expecting company. But if I am realistic about it, my house is never so bad I would die a thousand deaths if someone came over unexpectedly. If anything, it tends to get cluttered with things that need to be put away or straightened up.

I had extreme paranoia when I was growing up that someone important would find out about the house and take my sister and I away from my parents. In all reality, this probably wouldn't have happened. My dad could have taken us out of the environment if called on the carpet, and I had lots of relatives as well. But as a kid, these things don't always have logic. So that is probably the origin of my pit of your stomach gut reaction. So while mentally I know it is dumb, I can't get over the knee-jerk reaction."

Being Made Fun Of At School as a child, member posts

Feb 5th, 2007
"I had no tricks at all, because our washer and dryer had been dead for years and by about the 3rd or 4th grade or so, we had no running water, either. We went to a laundrymat periodically (and collected water there, too), but I don't think we went often enough. I was in constant terror the whole time we were there that someone who knew me would see me filling plastic bottles with water and loading them into the trunk of the car.

Yeah, it all really went to hell in the 5th grade. I am sure the smell was pretty bad. I was used to it, of course, but my classmates weren't and, kids being kids, they weren't exactly tactful about it. Two incidents really stand out in my mind. The first was the time a girl who sat behind me in a class got up and went to the teacher to ask (loudly enough for the whole class to hear) if she could please sit somewhere else because I smelled. The second was the time another girl made a big production in gym class (in front of half the grade) of presenting me with a bar of soap and some deodorant. They all got a good laugh out of that one. "

Feb 6th, 2007

"People didn't make fun of me because of how I dressed so much but some people said we were "weird" and it was common knowledge that people didn't come into our house. Looking back I can chuckle with warped humor at all the rumors that went around about us when I was a kid. My favorite was the one that my mom was a witch and we kept the curtains closed so no one could see what she was doing in there. I used to think if only she WERE a witch so she could conjure a spell to get rid of all that junk and give us a nice house!! "

Boundaries & Emotionally Detaching

Member Posts:

Feb 2007
Subject: [COH] Setting Boundaries
-sigh- So I'm conflicted about this whole business of confronting the hoarder and TELLING a totally oblivious and insensitive person that they are hurting feelings. It seems like fitting a square peg in a round hole to interact with them in a NORMAL way, pretending that they might actually adjust their behavior (or express remorse).
Elizabeth

I can understand why you are conflicted. Setting boundaries isn't about confrontation. While I realize your mom won't want to hear it, and may even ignore the comment, but she will HEAR it.

The beauty about setting boundaries is that if, for example, you say, "mom, when you say _____ I feel _____" If you don't want to go the feelings route (and I admit, I am not a touchy feely person), then you could just say, "if you can't say something nice, constructive, or whatever, then please don't say anything." If she continues, then that is the hard part... then you need to figure out what you are really willing to do.

If you are on the phone, and this may be the easiest way to start this type of conversation, then you can say, "since you continue to keep saying negative things about (how I am raising my kids, how I keep house, about my husband or whatever), mom, I am hanging up", and then hang up. You can keep putting up boundaries. You don't need to justify them, and you don't need to get into a "confrontation" . If she raises the volume, again, you can say, Mom, if you can't speak to me in a normal voice, then I am hanging up." Etc.

I know it isn't easy, but really it is somewhat like dealing with small children. If you don't stop pulling your sister's hair you will get a time out...lol. If only you could give your mom a time out :) This kind of thing gets easier with practice and really can be used in life in general. If others are used to taking advantage of you or whatever, they will be unhappy that you put up boundaries. This shouldn't stop you, though. I did this with both my sister and my mom. With my mom it improved our relationship, with my sister is pretty much destroyed it, but in reality, our relationship was only about her anyway. This is a great topic for us all because when you grow up with hoarders, the only boundaries that are valid in the household are theirs. No one else is allowed to have them, so we don't learn to do this as children, and often don't even realize we can as adults. It isn't easy, at all, but it is worth it to try, no matter how small the victories are.
-Jeanne

Cleaning Companies/member advice when searching

August 9, 2007
member post

Hi All,

Recently, we completed a cleanout of my mother's 1 1/2 BR apartment - we threw out 20 cubic yards of garbage.

I want to publicly thank Donna (and to Cory from Stericlean in California) for helping me find a cleaning company in NYC.

Bio-Recovery was absolutely fantastic (877-246-2532, www.biorecovery.com) - very professional, finished on time, and under budget. I highly recommend them to this group.

I met with five different companies before selecting Bio-recovery. Below are my thoughts/opinions on these firms. Note I am listing these from best to worst, but in my opinion, there was a big gap between 1 and 2, and a huge gap between 2 and 3.

The range of estimates was $3300 (excluding dumpster) to $9200. In general, I was surprised by the variability in costs and the poor quality of the wording of the contracts (my wife is an attorney). All of the principals would have been onsite during the cleanup. I do believe that some of these firms were trying to take advantage of a very emotional situation

Feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

1. Bio-Recovery (est $5500, actual cost $4800)
- Showed up within a few hours of my call to do a free estimate
- Met own deadline for hardcopy of estimate
- Contract looked out for interests of everyone involved; amenable to clarifying in writing some terms of contract
- No payment until end of job
- Incredibly efficient and professional - fantastic attitude made it easier on me and my mom

2. A Touch of Sass ($3300 excluding dumpster)
- Provided estimate as promised
- Fewest man hours required - with a boss who I believe could have executed well
- Least expensive option
- Could provide ongoing cleaning
- However, could not provide dumpster - I wanted the contractor to be responsible for everything end-to-end

*******

3. ServPro ($~9K)
- Provided estimate as promised on time
- Responsive to questions
- By far - largest number of man hours required and most expensive
- Had said it was their slow time of year and could start immediately
- I believe they were padding the bill with underutilized people (8
men the first day?!?)

4. Spring Cleaning (~$6500)
- Provided estimate as promised
- Assertive about winning business (returned calls promptly, etc)
- Poorly worded contract - but was willing to rework into something that made sense
- Ability to provide ongoing cleaning
- Wanted 100% payment up front - no flexibility vis a vis credit card, escrow, etc

5. Disaster Masters (~$8K plus the estimate fee)
- Charged $250 just to do an estimate
- Missed four of their own deadlines for preparing the bid causing my mom a great deal of anxiety
- Unresponsive to eMails and voice mails
- Changed timing estimate from three - four days to two - three days without explanation - why can you do this faster? Impression was they were going to understaff the job
- Did not provide detailed breakdown of manhours, etc
- Called for a deposit to be made by me into a Bank of America account - i.,e. find a B of A and deposit a check into his account
- Methodical approach to sorting salvage, donatable, and trash

Having an "Elephant in the livingroom."

From the Adult Children of Alcoholic's website:

Bobby: "Psssst. Don't tell anyone. It's our secret! There's an elephant in the living room, but we're pretending it's not really there and it's not really an elephant."

Billy: "But it smells and it's enormous!"

Bobby: "Just ignore it. Maybe it will go away."

Sounds pretty silly, doesn't it? Ignoring an elephant in the living room. How could anyone ignore an elephant in the living room?

Just think for a minute what it would be like. An elephant would take up most of the room. It would be difficult to see the television, out the windows, or each other.

Carrying on a conversation with an elephant in the living room would be tricky. And think what an elephant could do to the carpet! If the floor would even hold it, that is. And if it didn't rear up and knock a hole in the roof.

How can you think of much else except how to clean up the mess the elephant makes? What do you do when company comes -- put a doily on it? How can you even have a telephone conversation when there's an elephant trumpeting in the living room? And how do you convince the children, your friends, your family, and yourself there's not an elephant there?

Okay, so no sane person would have an elephant in their living room.

But, now think about living with alcoholism (hoarding) in the home... isn't it just like having an elephant in the living room? Try as you may, it won't be ignored. It continues to make messes, continues to dominate the house, and continues to drive you crazy despite all your best efforts to ignore it.

The elephant's there. It's real and it's not going away. So why tell the children it's a secret? Alcoholism (hoarding) screws children up. Lying about it makes it worse.

Admitting the elephant is there is what we in recovery call getting out of denial.

Admitting we're powerless over it and need help can start us on the road to recovery.

Instead of it being the end of the world, acknowledging the elephant is often the beginning of a new life.

And, ironically, once you admit the elephant is real, you'll probably discover everyone around already knows about it anyway.

Posted: Feb 14th, 2007

"And, ironically, once you admit the elephant is real, you'll probably discover everyone around already knows about it anyway...

"For me that was the hardest part. I didn't WANT anyone to know and it was very difficult for me to discuss this with my significant other and my children. Granted, the discussions went very well, but it was that FEAR that I would somehow be guilty by association or judged because of my parents (mom) that paralyzed me. Think about it. The media and general public do this all the time (i.e "How could the family let her live like that," or "Why didn't they help her before the situation reached this point?") like we condone it or something. "

Guilt, member post. (See also: COHUGET)

From member, Gwyneth:
"I collected some of the observations I've made about guilt over the years and condensed them...and at the end is what I called a printable, wallet-sized list.

First, if your parent is a typical emotion-based hoarder (not just an ADHD mess maven), and you are a typical COH, you will ALWAYS carry the potential for feeling guilty. That's because just as the hoarder never has enough stuff, there's never enough anybody can do for him or her.

S/he feels entitled to an infinite amount of your attention, time, energy, labor, and resources. There's some kind of advanced calculus formula for this sort of thing in exploding matter, but the point
for us is that if you give them X, they will always expect X + 1, with that turning into the new X.

Consequently, if you are not a socio/psychopath without a conscience and no regard for others, you will always feel deficient. But you may be looking at the wrong side of the equation.

It's the hoarder's expectations that are infinite, and nobody on earth can ever meet them. Since it's a normal human thing to feel bad if we do not fulfill our parent's expectations, it's almost inevitable to get trapped between the 'normal' child reaction and the definitely abnormal parental expectation.

Plus, if you're still listening to outsiders' opinions, based on more normal family reactions and not at all on the hoarder family dynamics, your guilt tends to grow and grow. Try to forget these opinions unless they come from a professional counselor or psychiatrist who is treating you. All they do is complicate things and make it even harder to determine what's reasonable to do for the hoarder and what's unreasonable.

(This applies to both positive and negative opinions, by the way...somebody saying, "you're doing too much" is just as much clutter as somebody saying "you're not doing enough". If you can't tell and need an honest, objective opinion, get one from your own counselor or psychiatrist.)

Remember, in most COH situations, the very fact that you feel guilt pretty much means you don't have anything to feel guilty about. Feeling guilt means you have a functioning feeling system...that you are not a narcissist focused on your needs alone...that you are not a socio/psychopath or borderline.

This is not to say that it's ok to delude yourself or to provide an excuse for our own unreasonable actions. The point is that there is a line somewhere between the hoarder's abusing you and you abusing the hoarder, and it's up to you to determine what it is, because in the hoarder's mind that line is drawn
all the way towards him or her.

(As you try to determine this line, bump it a little towards the hoarder, just to compensate for the fact that humans are never objective about themselves...this will help you know that your line really is reasonable, and even a little more than reasonable.)

It might help to apply the golden rule or mentally reverse the situation or think of an analogy in a totally different situation. As I explained to my youngest sister during one discussion about what was reasonable for our mom to expect, and what wasn't...it's like being a bridesmaid. You don't mind paying for the dress, or taking several paid vacation days. You don't really mind paying for a present. You mind a little more paying for the hotel room. and a little more than that the extra two days you have to take off because of the strange schedule. But when the bride expects you to take another two unpaid days off, just so you can fly on the airline in which she owns stock, that is too much."

Summary for the wallet card:

If the hoarder never feels s/he has enough stuff,
s/he will never feel you have done enough.

Don't go by what s/he thinks is reasonable, because it never is.

Don't go by outside opinions, unless offered by a professional who is treating YOU.

There is a line somewhere; requests or expectations below that line are acceptable, and above that line, unacceptable.

That line may change and shift somewhat with time,
but it's still there.

Having Children Of Our Own, member posts

11/15/07
In spite of it all, I turned out very well adjusted. BUT I don't want to risk projecting my neuroses and issues on a child - I don't feel qualified to have children, and thankfully never had the ticking biological clock effect that EVERYONE insisted I would ("You'll change your mind, you'll want kids someday" Not true!)

11/13/07
Then, the latest hit me yesterday: I've always had this feeling like I've ALREADY been a parent, so the thought of becoming one is an exhausting one. I'd always thought that this feeling of deja vu came
from parenting my mom (who, in contrast to many stories I've read on this site, hasn't really needed much parenting, actually). Yesterday, it dawned on me: It's been the parenting of myself that's been exhausting me!

Helping the COH sites stay online (Yahoo Group is free to have)

COH Bookstore, where most of the books have been recommended by our group members (Categories: Understanding Hoarding/COH Healing/ADD & more)

Donations

Crap To Buy (link pending)
Like COH & COHUGET (COH Unhealthy Guilt Erradication Team) & "Rip The Giftwrap!" hats to wear, and WUED t-shirts for when you are crisis cleaning. :)

How To Deal With a Debt Collector, Valid or not

Member Post:
11/2007

See the information below (I had to deal with this once, too). When you can get a word in edgewise, ask for the address of their agency. When you get it, write a quick letter and send it by registered mail, with tracking. This letter should state they do not have permission to call you and must continue all communication in writing. As it says in point five below, they legally must stop calling you if you ask them to stop in writing. It doesn't stop the underlying problem, but it stops the harassing phone calls....

Good luck!
PaperMonster

FAIR DEBT COLLECTION PRACTICES ACT

This Act governs the practices of collection agencies in their attempts to collect debts. Here is a summary list of some of the practices which are regulated:

(1) Debt collectors must provide written notices of the amount of the debt and name of the creditor within 5 days of the original communication.
(2) They must notify the debtor that he has the right to dispute the debt within 30 days or it is assumed to be valid.
(3) They must provide a copy of a judgment if there is one and the name and address of the original creditor.
(4) Each communication must contain the notice that any information obtained will be used for collection
purposes.
(5) They must cease communication if asked to do so in writing.

The debt collector cannot:
- communicate at any unusual time or place without permission from the creditor;
- contact the debtor if he is represented by an attorney and can contact the attorney;
- contact the debtor at his/her place of employment if the employer prohibits it;
- state to any third person that the debtor owes a debt;
- communicate by postcard;
- use any language or symbol on the outside of an envelope which indicates that the debt is owed, or
- harass the debtor.

Information To Gather On Our Parents To Have On-Hand
From members of the Group: (since this stuff takes a while to find...)

WILLS/POWER OF ATTORNEY

Copy of living will (ditto)

Power of Attorney (ditto)

Lawyers contact information

PERSONAL DATA

Social Security number

Family addresses you don't have

INSURANCE

Health insurance policy number

Long term care insurance policy

MEDICAL

Meds that they are on, or supposed to be on

Health insurance policy number (repeat)

Physician's contact information

Medical history

Medications prescribed

BANKING

Banking info or can you get that just by having soc etc?

Copy of credit cards-front/back

HOUSE

Deed to the house - My moms was on a shelf in her closet. It was easy to find since all her clothes were rotting in a big pile on the floor.

AUTOMOBILE

Drivers license # or copy, etc.

Car titles

Car insurance policy

FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS

Any pre-paid funeral information

From a member:
"The Senior Organizer", the one I bought for a fellow COH was in paperback form. You have to scroll down a little bit to see the cover.*I am in no way endorsing this product or company, just letting you all know that it's out there.
-------------------------------
From a member:
Just want to add a few things and elaborate on others. I know you listed "Banking Info," but it goes beyond knowing where your parents currently do their banking. Try to find out where else they may have accounts. (I've been my mother's legal guardian for 6 months, and I just now found out that she has another passbook savings account, at a different bank, with $6,000 in it; the account was inactive and was close to being turned over to the government. It was sort of a fluke that I found out about it.)

Also try to find out where their 401K plans and/or retirement/pension plans are administered, and what the account numbers are for those. In addition, you'll want to know the life insurance policy numbers and amounts. (Even if you don't need them because your parent is still living, they are considered an asset if they have cash value and you'll need to include them in things like reports to the court if you file for guardianship, financial aid, etc.)

You really need to know at which banks your parents have safe deposit boxes, and where the keys to those boxes are. (People do forget that they have safe deposit boxes when they change banks.) I had to pay $75 per box to have the locks drilled on my mom's boxes because we had no idea where to find the keys. (Banks don't like to drill locks, either; mine gave me a hard time.)

You should also know who the beneficiaries are on your parents' various policies. This is a sore point with me because my mom made my brother the beneficiary on all her policies and left me (and her only grandchild) out in the cold. I had no idea about this till after I became her guardian. It can't be modified now because it's outside the scope of what a guardian can do without the permission of the court. Your parents may not want to tell you who their beneficiaries are, but it should be listed on the policies,
so if you have copies of those then you'll be able to determine this yourself.

You may also want to know what your parents' income is. I needed to know that to determine what services my mom qualified for, and I had no idea. She's retired, and I knew she received Social Security, but I didn't know the amount or whether she had a pension or any "widow's" income from my dad, or anything else. I was totally in the dark. (If you can get a copy of last year's tax return, that info should be listed.)

One more thing: along with car title and driver's license info, you'll want a copy of their registration.--JerseyGirl

Oprah Show info. & Comments from our group:

YouTube preview of show

Peter Walsh discusses on SM Radio the DVD the 3 children of hoarders sent in to Oprah

Oprah message board comments

Buy transcript of show

Group comments:

I missed yesterday's Oprah, which I guess focused on the "before" conditions and the start of clean-up efforts.

Today is mainly showing and re-showing the shock that the couple felt at seeing everything, and the giddy girlish happiness that the wife especially is feeling at the aftermath.

All I can say is WTF !

I liked Peter Walsh much more than I expected, and quickly came to dislike Oprah, and her smug and patronizing attitude towards the entire group, more than I'd expected.

I hope I'm not the only one cynical and jaded enough to feel this show didn't do any real lasting good for anyone but Lowe's and GE and Broyhill.

Did anyone else catch the disbelieving and angry look the daughter gave at one point? Did anyone else recognize the husband as the just-as-guilty co-dependent?

He reminded me of my father. When Daddy had the chance to clean Mom's 60-year hoard [when she was hospitalized] one of the last things he tackled was his 15-year hoard of bank statements and
credit card offers.

Turns out he'd been putting off getting rid of them because he'd wanted them individually destroyed, and his shredder only handled six pages at a time.

Oh well, if the show gets a few new folks here on this site, and they learn to better understand and really help their hoarders, I guess it was a good thing.

I know I was disappointed, thinking about that poor woman trying to fit her compulsion in with all that new crisp furniture. If she fails again, she'll be crushed. And think of the looks her kids will give her then.

Sorry if I rained on anyone's parade.
-Lisa

---

> All I can say is WTF !

Right back at you! I am watching it right now and I am so infuriated that I had to pause it to post here--

Oprah actually ASKED Peter Walsh the question: "So are most hoarders this easily cured... well, not that it was EASY, but it's been two months now and it seems like she's on the right path..."

Peter Walsh NEVER answered this question except to gush about how fabulously motivated and insightful the woman is. No mention of the difference between HER and others, or any suggestion of how
challenging/impossible it is to address such a problem when the person has none of this motivation or insights.

This show is such a piece of garbage. I have never been that crazy about Oprah but this show makes me think that she is either 1) so perfectly happy to play the hero and be personal saviour to a family,
that she isn't concerned about spreading accurate information or 2) so removed from the research and production work in preparation for her show that she has NO IDEA just how misleading this show is.

rrrrghhhhh.

Elizabeth

---

Quote: " This show is such a piece of garbage. I have never been that crazy about Oprah but this show makes me think that she is either 1) so perfectly happy to play the hero and be personal saviour to a family, that she isn't concerned about spreading accurate information..."

I could not agree more. I had to stop watching and go on this site because I was so infuriated. This show was a pathetic excuse for Oprah to show some "ooh" and"aah" makeovers and continue the heartbreaking stereotype that hoarders are just people who like clutter and garbage with no real underlying psychological reasons. It's so agonizing. I'm watching this and now it's like oh wow, they have new furniture and new appliances so all their problems are gone! I couldn't believe Walsh's "mail system" for the husband.. it's just completely laughable. It doesn't really surprise me though, Oprah has always done things for ratings and for what the viewers like. And the viewers don't like to see the dirty truth in situations, they like home makeover shows with happy endings and shiny new dishwashers from Loews. Disgusting.
-moonriver

---

Hi Guys,

The last post about Oprah giving out new furnishings to the hoarded home brought back a memory for me. As a kid we always went in the summer to the local fair where they had a draw for a new fully furnished house. I always "prayed" and wished we would win. Not so much for the fancy house, but because I thought then my parents would stop fighting. My family wasn't poor. My ( hoarding ) mother used to scream about not having anything to work with, not having nice things and things being broken or contraptions ... In some ways that was true BUT her hoarding of course made it totally unliveable. Perhaps, people on TV just can't deal with the underlying issues partly because they are too scared, triggered or lack knowledge.
cheers,
Jill

---

Quote: " I hope I'm not the only one cynical and jaded enough to feel this show didn't do any real lasting good for anyone but Lowe's and GE and Broyhill..."

One final useless (paraphrased) quote I heard in the last moments of the show (this one from Tolin):

"You don't need a team of 100 people to do this... there are people struggling with this who don't have access to that and they can do it themselves. You can do it ON YOUR OWN."

My 73 year old mother will want that embroidered on a pillow as proof that no one should be involved in helping her clear it all (or NOT clear it all) single handedly.

It kills me how even the professionals can't bring themselves to admit the role families play-- the role families MUST play sometimes-- in digging out a hoarder. That's right, Tolin, you keep cheering on the
hoarder with that 'all by myself' stuff, and keep wagging your finger and scolding the families who ultimately shoulder the burden when they inherit the problem. Oh, wait, you already ARE doing that crap!!

rrrghhh (again)

Elizabeth

---

Quote: " I watched the Oprah hoarder show this week as well and am really curious to see what others thought.
Hmmm...the silver lining is maybe some COH will find us?..."

Maybe not. They apparently have some mods on the Oprah message board who delete posts with websites. Selected posts-messages which mention www.flylady.net were left in while mine which mentioned the COH website were removed. I finally got around that by saying there is
a support group for "Children of Hoarders" online that folks might find useful. There was at least one angry poster-I believe from the Quebec OCD Foundation-who questioned why the mods were removing his posts which had resource links for hoarders and families of hoarders.

The shows were overall very disappointing. I think it would have been much more effective if they had chosen another family, but this hoarder at least paid lip service to the idea of cleaning out the house. She did still freak when stuff started walking out the door. She and her husband were pretty mobile, and their only apparent health problem was the "hoard cough" that she had.

The "expert" telling hoarder families to sit back and let their parent come to the decision to clean out was pretty frustrating. They completely ignored the physical danger of a hoard, with the exception of
mentioning the rampant mold & mice in the house. "But don't pressure them into a clean out!" was stressed over and over.

I think a lot of viewers, my husband included, were completely turned off by the idea that this outwardly very prosperous family not only had their hoard spirited away by other people, they had nearly all of their home rehabbed from the inside-new drywall, paint, new dining, living room, bedroom furniture, new kitchen, gleaming appliances and Super Garage...I could see the final bill for that "clean out" being in excess of $50,000 easily. They made $13,000 at the"yard sale" but no mention if that went back toward rehabbing their house.

It was definitely carnival-like-"Look at the yucky hoarders"-with little useful information for family members. The final segment which turned into "Extreme Home Makeover" was the worse. Even more insulting was presenting her as cured, especially when she said it had been a week and she hadn't been into a single store. Grrr.

Hopefully some folks will at least discover our site from it.

-Shelby

Watched both parts of the show. Until this morning, after watching the show I was plagued with the inability to articulate my thoughts, but I have it back now and I have a lot to say! Sadly, my pre-show
predictions were accurate. It was an EXTREME Clean Sweep Makeover.

To Oprah and her producers I say, SHAME ON YOU! It was a freak show!
They took a deeply complex subject and created an "extravagant "dog and pony show". Moreover, as we all know once the circus leaves town,"TThhhat's all folks... the show is over, and we return home just as it was before.

While Peter Walsh is a renowned organizational expert, he is not an expert in the field of compulsive hoarding, but Dr. Tolin is. I was excited, when I saw Dr. Tolin on day one, I thought, "Hmmmm maybe they are really going to deal with topic with some sustenance.

Interestingly, we didn't hear much more for Dr. Tolin until the very end of the second day. I felt profoundly annoyed when Peter Walsh mentioned that hoarders could get help from the National Association of Professional Organizers... Ummmm, EXCUSE ME Peter, we are talking about compulsive hoarders...did you forget that the hoarder you just assisted, wasn't t able to get help until the producers of the Oprah Winfrey viewed her children's "almost professional quality" dvd "and
intervened to their desperate plea for help???

As with all dog and pony shows, there are illusions. I believe Dr. Tolin's presence on the show, gave credibility to the subject matter, but he received lip service only. Clearly, the producers did not utilize or value his expertise. It was clear, that Dr. Tolin was not in complete agreement, but he deftly gave way to professional courtesy and deferred to the Ring Master, Peter Walsh. Instead of learning about the compulsive hoarding, its pathology, its symptoms and its impact on the hoarder and his or he loved ones we witnessed a sideshow!

So many great opportunities for education and awareness were lost. For instance, after Peter came down with a fungal infection did it occur to the producers and Peter to discuss how to protect oneself properly before, during, and after the business of cleaning out the hoard? I for one was appalled as I watched the crew go in and out the hoard without masks and proper protection attire. What about debriefing? The physical, emotional, psychological financial and spiritual energy
expended during a hoard clean-up is every bit as exhausting and draining as dealing with a natural disaster.It called Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome!

Another opportunity for teaching was lost in not talking more in depth with the children. American got a view of what happened when the cameras were on, but we know the real story. I am certain for many
viewers this was the first time they saw their own story. I am sure adult children watching wondered about what was going through their minds. Did they ever attempt to clean up the hoard before? What
happened? Was the video the first time they tried an intervention? Do they know what it feels like you put your mother to bed in deep state of depression that lasted for days, just because you were trying
to help? Did she ever accuse you of being a lazy, poor excuse for daughter or a son because you gave up visiting or you failed to "get the house in order"? We know the long laundry list of fears, frustrations and anxieties Obviously ,it never occurred to the producer's that there are millions of children suffering abuse and neglect inside the homes of hoarders. How do you help them? Ok,ok, I'll get off my soapbox, I know I am preaching to the choir.:)

One good thing did come from the show. My mother and I began a dialog about her hoarding. Just as I predicted after watching the show she adamantly declared, "I DON'T have as much stuff as that woman, but she did admit to having a problem with junk ." I took a risk and replied,

"Yes you do have a problem, but you know Mom, even if you had more stuff than woman, I wouldn't love you any less".

I went on to point out various reasons why I thought she might have begun hoarding. Surprisingly she listened to me and better yet, she agreed with me.

We discussed the influence of living with my father, his drinking, and the domestic violence that permeated our home. I explained to her what it means to live life from the paradigm of scarcity vs. abundance, and how it influences hoarding behaviors. I know some people might now be asking, "So if something good came out of all why all the negativity?"

Well, it's simple sure the conversation went well for me, but I guarantee for those who know nothing about compulsive hoarding, it is not a conversation, but rather a very heated , deeply penetrating
argument.

You can imagine my surprise yesterday, when my Mom called me and told me that she decided, she didn't like that Oprah Winfrey show on hoarding because, they didn't talk about the reasons that woman
hoarded, nor did they provide any steps to helping her figure out how she is going to stop. " I don't know how I would stop even if I wanted to!" she said (I almost fell off the couch when she said this).In
short, I think my Mom experienced her first mini- break through moment. It' maybe very, very small, but it is a tiny of bit of insight. What is it they say?; the only way to eat an elephant is one
small bite at a time!

To sum it all up, I strongly feel, Oprah would never authorize permission to air a show on alcoholism in which the guiding piece of advice implicitly directs a child/spouse/parent of an alcoholic to make a clean sweep of all the alcohol in the house. She would not advise them to force alcoholic to chose between loving them or drinking the booze? It's doubtful that she would set a newly sober alcoholic or addict up in a dream house without first seeking accountability from his or her actions. So, why did she allow her staff to use such a non-therapeutic regime to treat compulsive hoarding. Didn't they learn from their encounter with compulsive hoarders 4 years ago? Oh yeah, I forgot in TV land, 10+years of dysfunctional, compulsive, maladaptive behavior disappears in just 8- weeks! Shame! Shame! Shame on O!

Stay free, peace and lots of tenderness sent your way,
Angeline

---

I too was very disappointed with the "input" from Dr. Tolin. All I got out of his appearance was, "Wow, he has pretty eyes!" And "dog and pony show" sums it up nicely.

On Oprah, I saw a lot of tears and anger from the mother at first, then tears of relief and gratitude after all that free work and product placement, but never any real shame. So disappointing.

I wish they would have shown the mother, or someone in the family, exhibiting some tangible SHAME. I mean, compulsive shopping and hoarding up your house IS shameful behavior, right? And what about
personal responsibility? Hello Oprah Show? Big holes in your production and editing, IMHO. But of course you gotta make it pretty for ratings!!!

I guess it bothers me so much because my parents were experts at laying the catholic guilt trip on me for years. Since parents can do it to their kids, why can't adult children turn it around and say"Don't you feel guilty and ashamed for living this way? If you don't, you SHOULD!" But according to the "experts," we wouldn't want to upset the hoarder or point out that IT'S THEIR OWN FAULT AND THEY NEED TO COP TO IT AND ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONCE IN THEIR LIVES.

During our intervention, my Dad actually expressed remorse, guilt, and regret, along with a desire to change, or at least to never let it get that bad again. And he did most of that without any prompting, so his catholic guilt must have been working on him finally. Doesn't mean he hasn't junked up the house again, but he really was/is ashamed, AS HE SHOULD BE!!!!! And now I can effectively say to him, "Mom would be SO DISAPPOINTED if she saw you trashing the house again."

<snip from hoolahoop/Angeline>
So many great opportunities for education and awareness were lost. For instance, after Peter came down with a fungal infection did it occur to the producers and Peter to discuss how to protect oneself properly before, during, and after the business of cleaning out the hoard? I for one was appalled as I watched the crew go in and out the hoard without masks and proper protection attire. What about debriefing? The physical, emotional, psychological financial and spiritual energy expended during a hoard clean-up is every bit as exhausting and draining as dealing with a natural disaster.It called Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome!
<snip>

^Excellent points hulahoop!^ More big holes in the production. And they even showed a guy ripping out carpet with bare arms AFTER Peter's infection was discussed. Wonder if Oprah's insurance will cover that dude's future fungal problems....I bet the producers would say, "But we had to limit it to 2 days, and we had to accommodate our advertisers, and we had to appeal to a mass audience (hello, captive
audience anyone?) etc, etc, blah blah blah, excuse excuse, whatever, go away COH!" Or something like that. GAH!!!

Anyway, I'm glad the end result of the show is that you and your Mom got to talk some more! And meaningful conversation - that's something my Dad and I are working on...I don't want to talk about the weather and minutia(sp?), I want to talk about important things with my Dad while he's still alive and mentally alert enough to discuss them.

Thank you for your post today, I needed that!!! : )

Emily/InfiniteHope

---

Yes, my reactions were pretty much the same as those written here by others and Emily.

What I do not understand at ALL is why they would remove postings that have websites listed (like ours) that would help others who are dealing with this? WHY? Is there some sort of perceived legal liability? If Donna and Elizabeth and others conversed with Oprah's producers, etc., why would the input that they received from our website's "leaders" etc., be discounted? Where's OUR credibility as children of people with this illness/disorder whatever-you-call it?! Would there be SO MANY of us, so incredibly grateful to find a place where other people can relate -- where we can actually NOT have to pepper our mails with long explanations trying to describe what we're dealing with (that it's not just a stack of magazines from 6 months ago behind the couch) -- it's not just a "little bit of clutter" by the phone in the kitchen..it's not something a few stacking containers and a labeller from Walmart can "fix." It is SO much more -- and comes in so many "flavors" --

And the mom on the show was either on her best most loving behaviour (of **course** she was - what am I saying?), or she was totally not typical of what we (many of us anyway) deal with --- the judgemental denial, the manipulative crap, the mean things that are said, the reflection of their worst personality traits put directly back onto the children or the non-hoarding spouse. Where was all of THAT?

And yes, I was floored that there were no masks or protective gear despite the mold, mice nests, contaminants, etc.

It was all too shock/horror/oooh--ahh and although I expected some of that (it makes good TV) I did at LEAST expect that they'd offer some resources for folks to go to for help who have the same situation.

Carol

---

Pt. I: I thought the show was well done. However, as usual, what nobody ever touches on, because I guess nobody has any answers to it and that won't help sell their books, is how to help an elderly hoarder (hoarding for 30/40/50+ years)who lives in an extreme hazard and refuses to accept any help, let alone talk about it. And their house(s) & everything in it, their care, will fall on the family members to handle. Or how home health aides can't enter the home--or even EMT's with stretchers.

I think this was a good piece to raise awareness about Hoarding and reduce the stigma. The issues of children that actually grew up in that environment were not addressed, but not even Oprah has discovered us yet I guess, and perhaps this was not the right forum to delve into it. If, like Oprah said, there are 6 million hoarders in the U.S., think of how many children they have...who would also buy (and are probably desperately seeking) a helpful book for help & healing. cha-ching.

Part II: No mention of often-present ADD, decision-making difficulties-no mention of the proper kind of therapy or online support groups available for those that hoard, etc.?

I wish it was as easy to "cure" this as it appeared on the show. It was a good show, but it left me sad. Sad to not hear of follow-up therapy for the hoarder and that she may be set up for a fall without it. Sad for all the families out there that do those clean-ups without all the glory of a renovated house as the pay-off. Sad for the children that help their parents dig out over many decades (get hopes up for new lives for their parents and their families)and it just comes right back again. Sad for the children that grow UP in these environments, not those who have only been exposed to it for 10 years, but all that they know of their relationship with their hoarding parent, their childhood homes where they learned "normal." Sad for myself too I guess because I know a larger clean-up operation is awaiting me and my siblings as our mother simply has more space/properties she has filled over 40 years--but we will not have all the assistance of the crews, free dumpsters, disposal, etc. Just back breaking work managed the best we can in between lives of our own. Not all compulsive hoarders are so eager to be "helped" and stop the behavior that makes them feel safe.

It's unfortunate for children who only know this, (think of the ones living in it at this moment), who still were not acknowledged and could hear "it's NOT YOUR fault" coming out of the tv.

But this show was progress in raising awareness. Wish Dr. Tolin spoke more as he would have more valuable information for Compulsive Hoarders, as someone who has researched this many years. Peter Walsh's recommendation for sufferers to contact the Natl. Assn. of Professional Organizers just showed me he must not have read too much about this disorder--to not even recommend the branch of organizers that have certifications in the chronically disorganized/ADD. (nsgcd.net). To get an organizer who is not familiar with the unique needs of these types of clients could set Hoarders back many paces and cause them to want to "hold on" more or not want to accept help again.

Well, hope to see a follow-up show in 5 years.
-Donna

I have been waiting, nervous, for this show for weeks. I watched it and taped it and am taking it to my family on Tuesday.
Personally I think the producers and Peter Walsh got it more right than ever before.

BUT (qualifying statement): I admit that could relate to this particular family more than any others.

* Their house is over 3000 square feet and they have lived in it for 35 years.

* It is piled to the ceiling with goat paths and packed with clothes, crafts, bargains and expired food.

* They are still married and have adult children who have been trying to help them with this for years while trying to live their own lives and not be dominated by the dirty family secret and fears for their
health and safety.

* My parents don't have any pets (sparing them from that world of problems at least), and don't smoke, but both have worsening health from the clutter. (My dad has gotten pneumonia or bronchitis once a year for the last 15 years, and has fallen down the basement stairs because he tripped on something there. My mother has a constant cough and allergies and has sleep apnea --and can't be talked out of sleeping on the floor.)

* The pictures looked almost exactly like my parents' house. My parents don't have money -- which they could have if this wasn't burying them alive -- are educated and recently have gained more insight about this problem (because I am continually shoving videos and info at them)

* But THIS FAMILY LOOKS LIKE MINE. Right down to the really pregnant (mine due Nov 23) sister and the dumpster currently on my parents' front lawn. The main differences are that my mom never buys anything at a department store or even Marshalls -- she only accrues stuff and debt at thrift stores/dollar stores/garage sales and stuff hauled from dumpsters. And the piles are higher. And the plumbing doesn't work. And there are 3 mortgages on the house and at 70+, they have little retirement. And nobody lives there because my parents moved in with my grandma when grandpa died. So the house I was raised in sits, uninhabited by people and bursting at the seams, infested by mice, wasps, mold, and who knows what else.

Of course it was going to be in the format of the Oprah show: Oprah comes in and saves this family using her resources and connections. The Oprah show plays hero and Peter Walsh and Dr. Tolin plug their new books. But the fact that they showed HOW MUCH FITS in a house, and how fast it can pile up (I loved those 1800 orange containers stacked up on the stage) is exactly what people need to know who can't understand why our parent, or their children, don't just "clean it up and throw it out". To me it shows that the understanding of hoarding is improving, and it will have positive societal effects!

I've got so much more to say but I'm late to work!

Holly

Scared of turning into a Compulsive Hoarder too

Posted: Feb 5th, 2007

I am definitely afraid of that. I'd be surprised to find many COH who aren't.

I'm afraid of being alone. Not so much because of loneliness (I already feel lonely much of the time anyway), but mostly because I worry that without someone in my life, I would stop caring about keeping things clean. As long as my mother shared living space with another adult, as far as I know, she was fine.

It was only later in her life that things got out of hand. I worry that, without someone else's expectations defining the housekeeping, I would never throw mail or magazines away (because you never know when you might need it), never get rid of clothes (because they could still be used for something even if it's not wearing), never throw boxes or packaging away (because I might have to return it or at least it would be nice to have if I move), never throw receipts away (because you never know when you might have to dispute a charge or something), and so on.

My mother always said "you never know" about so many different things. "Make sure you have plenty of ________, because you never know...." When those words involuntarily come out of my mouth, it's a big shock and I have to pause and assess the situation. I can feel it, deep down inside me sometimes, the pull to keep whatever the item is. And that scares the hell out of me. I can count zero reasons to keep that old pair of shoes that are absolutely unwearable and unfixable and therefore completely useless to any human, but... it isn't easy to let them go. So I close my eyes, take a deep breath, trash them, walk away quickly, and remind myself that it isn't inevitable that I will end up living in a virtual landfill.

Posted: Feb 6th, 2007

I think I understand when you say " I can feel it, deep down inside me sometimes, the pull to keep whatever the item is."

I am also terrified of becoming a horder. On most days I think that it's not really possible for me to become a horder, but then doubt creeps in and I start wondering. When do you know if it's happening etc...This is a common worry I hear from people that have mental illness in their family. I guess there is no guarantees for anything, but as long as you keep checking in with yourself, you might be okay.

I often feel sentimental about photographs and letters. I have a hat-box that I keep letters and photos in. Sometimes I wonder if that even is too much. Maybe it's just being hyper-vigilant...I guess most non-hoarders have photo albums and such.

In the past I have had the tendency to tip to the opposite side, overcompensate and have minimal amount of stuff because I dreaded the chaos. But lately I give myself the premission to just leave a pair of socks out or leave a plate in the sink because I realize it's a different kind of mess. It's not coming from an internal chaos,and it could be put away. There is definetely a difference, but sometimes I need to okay it with myself.

Posted: Feb 9th, 2007
Yes. I'm very aware and fearful that I'm going to become a hoarder. I'm afraid that something is going to "click" in my brain and suddenly leave me unaware. I'm also afraid about "turning into" my mother. There are many traits she has that I do not admire, and I am afraid of becoming obese like her too.

Feb 20th, 2007
I think you're right about us thinking about all these items differently from the way most people do. The average person certainly does have photo albums, I'm sure, and probably most people collect something or another. Now, if I felt the desire to collect something, it would be a big red flag and I'd probably freak out about it. But every day, "normal" people are out there collecting all sorts of stuff and it's not a problem. I wonder if people at risk for hoarding even can collect in a non-hoarding way. (I certainly don't plan to test that one on myself.) But, yeah, I think when we see anything at all in ourselves that vaguely resembles our parents' behavior, we automatically go to "OMG, I'm turning into my mother!" Ironically, that anxiety may make us more likely to seek the solace of "stuff" right?

Inheritance Issues

Selling a hoarded house

Member post:
I'm now in the process of selling my mom's home for her. (I'm her legal guardian.) Her house was condemned as "unfit for human habitation." The heat doesn't work, and neither does the hot water. The plumbing needs to be replaced as well. There's flood damage also.

The market value of this house (and land) should have been somewhere around $xxx,000 to $xxx,000 if it was in good condition. But it's starting to sound like she may only get about $xxx,000 for it<$200k less than market>. (One Realtor said that the town almost certainly won't grant a "certificate of continued occupancy," whatever that is.)

The shame of it is that she's now in an assisted living facility. The money from the sale of the house will support her for only two years (room and board there now is over $5,100 a month). If she and my adult brother (who lived with my parents all his life) had taken care of the house, not allowed it to fall into filth and disrepair, the sale of the house would have supported her for maybe six years, by the end of which her mental faculties would probably have deteriorated to the point that it wouldn't have been so bad to move her into a nursing home. (Medicaid will pay for a nursing home but not for assisted living. Unfortunately, most people decline quickly in nursing homes.)

I'm posting this to help make others aware of the depreciation of a house that's been neglected, as well as the high cost of assisted living care.

Things We've Found Many COH Have In Common

Alternate Realities in childhood

Anxiety at sound of doorbell, not comfortable having people in our homes as adults-feel "judged/not perfect enough"

Christmas trees sticking around forever, some until next season or in Cmas tree graveyard in backyard

Having fleas and fruitflies in childhood home

Being made fun of at school

Have OCD in other forms

Have ADD

Resentment and worry about being responsible for cleaning it up-financially and EMOTIONALLY.

Scared of turning into parent: periodically throw things out or are minimilists, super organized to prove "not like parent"

Socially isolate selves or getting there

Think of something I've left out? Let me know!

Things (just a few)We've Found Many Of Our Parents Have In Common

Have ADD

Are nurses or caregivers of some kind

Hoard angels and dolls

History of depression

Don't have many close friends

Dug through our trash when we were children and picked things out

Have high education levels, many went to Ivy-league schools

Will get around to things SOMEday. Have "fantasy thinking"

Repetitive speach-no short stories. Conversations often turned and focused on them.

Hypochondria or one-upping illnesses so they are "sicker one"

Are artistic or creatively inclined

Perfectionists

Don't like to take medicines choose "natural remedies"

Love Readers Digest

Television very important to them-talk about like "real people/family" (QVC hosts too)

Recording television.

Cranking up volume on TV so they won't miss a word

Did NOT want the wrapping paper ripped, had to save bows

Hoard in their cars, trunks

They got worse when we left home or their spouse died

Get angry when you bring it up. Blame others for situation.

Think of something I've left out? Let me know!

Exercise #1, from the Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding Book

Go through the following list of questions and answer them honestly. Remember, this book is designed to help you, so if you don't answer honestly, you're only cheating yourself.

This is not a diagnostic measurement. The answers you give will help you to understand yourself a little better.

Do you have difficulty throwing things away or get anxious when thinking about discarding your possessions?
Yes No

Do you have so many possessions that your rooms are cluttered?
Yes No

Do you often feel an urge to buy things or acquire free things, but know that you really don't need them?
Yes No

Do you often decide to purchase or acquire items even if you know you have no space for them?
Yes No

Do you have possessions taking up so much floor space that it is difficult to move around in the room?
Yes No

Have you ever not been able to use a piece of furniture (a sofa, table, or chair) for its intended purpose because it was used as storage space for your possessions?
Yes No

Have you ever been so embarrassed by the number of your possessions that you did not want people to see certain rooms in your house?
Yes No

Has your saving or acquisition of possessions resulted in financial strain for you or your family?
Yes No

Has the number of your possessions ever been the reason for arguments or disagreements within your family?
Yes No

To what extent do your saving behaviors interfere with your functioning?
Not at all Mildly Moderately Severely

How much time do you spend on tasks related to your saving behaviors each day, including thinking about your possessions?
Less than 30 mins/30 mins to 2 hours/More than 2 hours

Do you often feel like you need additional storage space?
Yes No

Have you actually required additional storage space?
Yes No

Have your possessions ever been damaged because of inadequate storage space?
Yes No

How much time each day do you spend looking for objects?
Less than 30 mins/ 30 mins to 2 hours/ More than 2 hours

Have you ever shoplifted as a way of acquiring possessions?
Yes No

Have you ever been arrested for shoplifting?
Yes No

From the Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding Book, page. 11

Exercise: Are You A Collector or a Hoarder?

Here is a summary of the differences between hoarders and collectors. Check the boxes that you feel represent you. This is not a diagnostic tool. This is designed to help you understand the differences between hoarders and collectors. The more boxes you have checked in each category, the more likely you fall into that category.

COLLECTORS

-Feel proud of their possessions

-Keep their possessions organized and well maintained

-Find joy in their possessions and willingly display them to others

-Attend meetings or conferences with others who share their interest- Enjoy conversations about their possessions

-Budget their time and money around their possessions-Feel satisfaction when making additions to the collection

HOARDERS

-Feel embarrassed by their possessions-Have their possessions scattered randomly, often without any functional organization

-Have clutter, often resulting in the loss of functional living space

-Feel uncomfortable with others seeing their possessions, or outright refuse to let others view their possessions-Often have debt, sometimes extreme-Feel ashamed, sad, or depressed after acquiring additional items

ARE YOU A HOARDER?
Part of Chapter 1
Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding
By: Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias
"The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving". –Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

You may be unsure whether you are a hoarder or a collector. In this chapter we will differentiate between collecting and hoarding. We will then talk about some biological and sociological aspects of
hoarding, as well as conditions that may exist along with hoarding.

*Are You A Hoarder?*
Let us start by clarifying who qualifies as a collector and who as a hoarder. Truthfully, almost every one of us has some characteristics of hoarding. Remember that just meeting one or two
characteristics or criteria for a disorder or illness does not automatically mean that a person has the illness or disorder.

For example, a headache and a fever are two diagnostic criteria for a brain tumor. Does that mean that every time you have had a headache and a fever, you had a tumor? No! You can have a symptom
without having the illness. Further, a headache and a fever are criteria for a host of illnesses including meningitis, encephalitis, strep throat, and the flu.

To be a hoarder, you need to fulfill a few of the criteria. The degree to which your symptoms interfere with your overall functioning is also a very important variable to consider. For instance, if you have some difficulty throwing away a week's worth of newspapers and they form a little pile on the floor, you probably are not a hoarder. But if you have six months' worth of newspapers scattered across the living room floor making it difficult to get from one end of the room to the other, you may be a hoarder.

To be considered a hoarder, you need to have either a compulsion to save or difficulty discarding items you already possess, or both. The hoarding behavior causes distress to you or to others and
interferes with your functioning. Even if you justify your hoarding behavior and you are not upset by it, you become upset if you cannot engage in the compulsion (that is, if you are prevented from keeping
something you feel compelled to save, or if you have to throw away your possessions).

*The Difference Between Hoarding and Collecting*

Hoarding is not the same as collecting. Generally speaking, collectors are proud of their possessions and enjoy showing them off. An avid car collector would enjoy driving his vintage sports car around the block; a boy who collects baseball cards would be proud to show them to his friends. Collectors often find joy in their collection and go out of their way to impress others. They make reference to their collection during conversation or go to conferences to meet others with similar interests. Collectors often
have a specific location in the home for their collection. The child who collects baseball cards may have his cards in a special folder. Others may have their collection of stamps, cameras, figurines, or dishes laid out in a hutch or bookcase where viewing them is easy. Additionally, collectors budget and save their money to accommodate the purchase of new items and feel satisfied when adding them to the existing collection.

If you are a hoarder, however, you may be embarrassed by your possessions. You purchase items with the intention of finding some function for them but end up feeling embarrassed by them. When one
item is purchased, another will follow, followed by another and so on until there are more items than places to put them. This process usually results in clutter. Clutter is the product of either having
too many items with not enough storage or feeling overwhelmed by the possessions and not knowing where to put them. Of course, you may hoard and not have clutter because you organize everything and put it away. However, most people who hard do have clutter.

It is fairly common for hoarders to be so embarrassed by their possessions that they try to dissuade people from coming over to their homes. You may prefer to meet people at restaurants rather than having friends over for meals. This is the exact opposite of collectors. Hoarders prefer to purchase new appliances when the old ones break, because the thought of having repairmen at the house is too overwhelming. Steve, a hoarder for fifteen years, confessed that he did without a refrigerator for three years because he could not let anyone in his home to repair the one that broke, and he could not have a new one delivered because there was no space for it. As you can see, although there are a few overlapping qualities between hoarders and collectors, there are plenty of differences too.

Subject: Overcoming Hoarding Book: Types of Hoarding Behavior, pgs. 12-15,

If you checked off more boxes in the hoarder section, you may be a hoarder. The next section will help you identify what type of hoarder you are. This will help you to further understand your own
hoarding behavior and allow you to target the problems better during the treatment stages. It is very important throughout this book to be honest with yourself. If you minimize or deny the problem, you
will continue to suffer.

TYPES OF HOARDING BEHAVIOR

A common misconception about hoarders is that they tend to acquire various unique and strange items. On the contrary, you may tend to acquire items that are the same that nonhoarders acquire, but in
greater volume (Frost and Gross 1993). Possessions can come from compulsive buying or from compulsively seeking out free things. The possessions in the home of a nonhoarder may be identical to those in a hoarder's home, but the nonhoarder would have far fewer of them. Below is a list of the most commonly hoarded items. It is not a complete list, and your favorite items may not be listed.

Newspapers or magazines
Paper or plastic bags
Photographs
Mail
Books
Toiletries
Batteries
Pens
Paperclips or rubber bands
Cardboard boxes
Jewelry
Handouts or brochures
Tools

Conditions Related to Hoarding, pg. 16-17

Now that you have a better understanding of the behaviors associated with hoarding, let's see if you have a related disorder. Have a related disorder means that another disorder exists along with your
hoarding. It is not necessarily the cause of your hoarding, but your hoarding behavior may be a symptom within that disorder.

So you need to determine whether you just have hoarding or have hoarding as a symptom within a different disorder. The disorders that are most often associated with hoarding are obsessive-compulsive
personality disorder, OCD, and depression. The eating disorders, Prader-Willi syndrome, psychosis, and Alzheimer's disease are less frequently associated with hoarding. Pay attention to the symptoms
of these disorders and see if you recognize yourself. Of course, you should have a professional evaluate you before you conclude that you have a particular disorder.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV TR) is the main diagnostic manual for mental health providers. It provides detailed clinical information on just about every mental disorder known. Withing the DSM-IV TR, compulisve hoarding is listed only once as a symptom or diagnostic criteria for a disorder. That disorder is obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), not to be confused with OCD, which we'll discuss later.

As with other types of personality disorders, OCPD can be misunderstood because of its name. It's not that people have a flaw or defect in their personality, or that a person is born with some sort of deficient personality. Rather, a person can have several characteristics, or personality traits, that can cause subjective distress, interfere with relationships, or be maladaptive in some way. Generally speaking thise personality traits are present beginning in early adulthood, are consistent across a variety of
social and interpersonal situations, and are not related to reactions to drugs or medical conditions.

The DSM-IV TR characterized OCPD as "a preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency" (American Psychological Association 2000, 725). People with OCPD often pay close attention to details, lists, rules and schedules, often to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost. They get so wrapped up in the details of how to do something that they forget why they're doing it.

Interestingly, although people with OCPD tend to be detail oriented, they also tend to be indecisive. Indecisiveness is often the result of avoiding making a less-than-perfect decision. The person feels
such intense discomfort with the potentialo of making a mistake that the decision is postponed or avoided altogether. We will discuss in chapter 2 how this results in the development and and maintenance of clutter.

Exercise: Do you have OCPD?, pgs. 17-18

If you have identified with the above description <of OCPD>, you may suffer from OCPD. The following chart represents all the diagnostic criteria for OCPD. Mark the traits that you feel you have. If you
check four or more of them, you may suffer from OCPD. Keep in mind that a diagnosis can only be made by a qualified therapist and the following criteria are given solely to help you gain insight into
your own behaviors.

__I am preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost.

__I am excessiveily devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by an obvious economic necessity).

__I am unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value.

__I adopt a miserly spending style toward myself and others; money is something to be hoarded for future catastrophes.

__I show perfectionism that interferes with task completion (for example, I am unable to complete a project because my own overly strict standards are not met).

__I am overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification).

__I am reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly my way of doing things.

__I am rigid and stubborn.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, pg 18-19

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER

Although hoarding is not listed in the DSM-IV TR as a diagnostic criterion, hoarding is generally associated with OCD. OCD consists of three major symptoms: obsessions, compulsions, and doubting.

Obsessions are intrusive, forceful, and useless thoughts or images that become stuck in on'es mind and cannot be suppressed. Obsessions interfere greatly with everyday thinking and cause anxiety and
sometimes depression. Commonly reported obsessions include the fear of harming oneself or others, fearing contamination, aggressive or sexual thoughts, thoughts of symmetry, and mentally reviewing your possessions or where you placed something because you fear losing it. In this way, obsessions may be a part of your life.

Compulsions are the actions or mental behaviors that one feels a strong need to perform, usually in response to an obsession, in order to reduce anxiety. Common compulsions include washing, checking,
repeating or retracing, touching, ordering and arranging, and praying. Wehn people experience obsessions and compulsions, they recognize their thoughts and behaviors as excessive or unreasonable,
but have great difficulty in ignoring or suppressing them, and they continue over and over for minutes, hours, even days. Hoarders may manifest compulsions by compulsively acquiring new objects.

Doubt is one of the core features of OCD and is present in almost every obsession. For example, people with OCD may have an obsession that because they shook hands with another person, they have germs on their hands and will get sick unless they wash (washing in this case is the compulsion). They are not certain about this thought and doubt that they will indeed get sick. However, they do not want to
take any risks. While driving, some people with OCD frequently fear that they have hit someone in the road and feel the overwhelming need to go back and check. You may identify with the symptom of doubting if you cannot decide what to do with a particular possession.

As you can see, although their names share the words obsessive- compulsive, OCD and OCPD are very different disorders. In fact, society and the media often confuse them. Various Hollywood movies
and television shows often depict characters as being highly focused on details or rules. We either are told that they have OCD or, from ignorance, we assume they do. In fact, they probably have OCPD.

For the purposes of gaining insight into your own feelings and behaviors, you must be clear about the differences between OCD and OCPD. The person with OCD generally wants to get rid of the obsessions and compulsions that produce anxiety. This is very different from people with OCPD, who usually do not mind their way of being and usually take pride in their behaviors. They generally do not experience distress, and if they seek help, it is usually because they have difficulty getting along with others. People with OCPD generally do not have obsessions or compulsions as we have defined them here. They tend to firmly believe their thoughts or positions about things and go out of their way to follow them.

OCD VERSUS OCPD
A person with OCD:
*has obsessions (unwanted, repetitive, and intrusive thoughts that cause extreme anxiety)
*Engages in compulsions (washing, checking, etc.) to ease the ansiety from obsessions
*knows that symptoms are problematic and may have insight regarding the irrationality of symptoms

A person with OCPD:
*is perfectionistic, rule oriented, and inflexible
*has a stubborn and rigid personality style
*generally is not personally bothered by symptoms, despite their interference in interpersonal relationships

You may be wondering how OCD and hoarding are related. Most of the research suggests that hoarding is a symptom of OCD, yet only 25 to 35 percent of individuals with OCD actually hoard (Frost and Steketee 1998). It is associated with OCD mostly because hoarders have obsessions about their possessions, compulsions to hoard, and doubt about what to discard. Hoarders may think a lot about their possessions. They may wonder where something was placed, whether something was accidentally thrown out, whether someone touched their belongings, or how to organize their possessions. They may find it hard to resist the urge to save and to not discard. Throwing things out causes great distress, and they avoid the distress by hoarding. Hoarding is a compulsion that reduces the uncomfortable feelings, and thus is a form of OCD.

Conditions Related to Hoarding, con't., pages 20-21

DEPRESSION

When we become depressed, our interest and motivation to accomplish things often takes a backseat to our mood. We tend to spend more time in bed and less time doing exercise; we eat more (or fewer) calories than usual and have feelings of worthlessness and guilt. For many people, hoarders and nonhoarders alike, this is when clutter develops and builds.

When you're depressed, sometimes you are less motivated to follow through with your everyday responsibilities. You may postpone important tasks or procrastinate and avoid your responsibilities. Letting bills pile up, not getting around to returning phone calls, leaving a sinkful of dishes, and letting your home become more dirty or cluttered than usual are just some of the ways depression can influence your daily life.

Other times, in an attempt to lift your depression, you may purchase new things for yourself. You may think that perhaps a new pair of shoes will improve your mood, or a few new CDs will help lift your spirits. But if clutter has developed, chances are the new possessions will just join the others and get lost in the clutter, and you will never get the opportunity to try them out. You may then feel guildty or regretful about wasting the money or not having enough discipline to organize the possessions and enjoy them.

The interaction between hoarding and depression can be quite powerful and, at times, damaging. As clutter or chaos builds, our emotions follow suit. As our lives and homes become more chaotic, the very sight of the clutter may trigger thoughts of low self-worth, hopelessness, or the feeling of being overshelmed. This downward spiral into depression and negative self-evaluation decreases the motivation for change.

Hoarding, OCd, and OCPD are often accompanied by depression. If you think about it, it makes sense. All the disorders can cause significant anxiety, discomfort, and frustration, which may result in social isolation, sadness, and decreased enjoyment in life. Additionally, depression can influence the severity and frequency of symptoms in all three disorders.

Depression and hoarding share some qualitities, and it's sometimes difficult to figure out which came first, the hoarding or the depression. Sometimes hoarding is the result of depression, and sometimes depression is a result of hoarding. In either case, hoarding can have a trememdous influence on a person's confidence and mood.

We mentioned earlier that common behaviors in compulsive hoarding tend to isolate hoarders from others in their lives, often the people closest to them: family and friends. Think about your own life. How has hoarding isolated you from others? Very often, hoarders are too embarrassed by their clutter to allow friends and even family members to enter the hosue. Sometimes the amount of clutter in a room renders the room useless. Coffee tables, sofas, chairs, and floor spaces are used for storage rather than for their intended funcitons. The less functional the rooms become, the more you become isolated from others, and the more likely you will feel depressed.

In this case, the hoarder feels what we call secondary depression. If you magically took away the hoarding, the depression would disappear as well. The hoarding is causing the depression. We'll discuss this in more detail in the chapters dedicated to treatment approaches.

The More You Know, The Better Off You'll Be, pg 24

As you can see, hoarding can be part of a variety of different psychiatric and medical conditions. We hope this chapter has given you better understanding of your own hoarding behaviors and the condition
or conditions related to it. Although most people have hoarding alone, or hoarding associated with depression, OCD, or OCPD, it is important to understand all the clinical manifestations of hoarding. In fact, understanding the connection between your hoarding and a clinical disorder may be an important factor in your recovery.

The Biological Aspects of Hoarding, pg. 24-25
In addition, understanding the biological and sociological aspects of hoarding will further increase your insight. Let us now explore some explanations of hoarding from a biological and sociological perspective.

BIOLOGICAL ASPECTS OF HOARDING
The brain is the organ that rules our body, which makes us dependent on it. Certainly, every part of our life needs to go through the filer of our body, which includes our brain. Hoarding is no exception. In
fact, every animal uses its brain to connect it to the surrounding world.

To have an idea of how the brain works, think of the neuron, the smallest unit of functioning within the brain. In the giant squid, a single neuron provides the squid with the capacity to function. This makes the giant squid one of the simplest organisms in the world.

The human brain, however, consists of literally billions of neurons. Each neuron is interconnected with thousands of other neurons. This gigantic net of neurons allows the human brain to function. All these
neurons establish their connections by means of bichemical messengers known as neurotransmitters. Messages received or transmitted by the brain follow pathways traveled by neurotransmitters. The
neurotransmitters carry the information to different parts of the brain.

There are five "lobes" or segments of our brain, and each lobe is responsible for a different general aspect of functioning. However, it is the interaction between the lobes that is responsible for more- specific aspects of functioning. All the lobes are united through several million neurons that carry information. The neurons are able to establish loops or circuits between areas, and these loops often
involve their own chemistry. Therefore, a combination of anatomy and chemistry is required to carry messages from the outside world into the body and vice versa.

One cicuit of interest is the cortico-striato-thalmo-cortical circuit, which represents one of the anatomical models of OCD. It is possible that this circuit may be involved with hoarding as well. This loop operates with its own neurotransmitter chemistry.

There are two major neurotransmitters that are involved in the study of the biological explanation of hoarding, dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine is responsible for regulating our motor movements, emotions, and moods. Serotonin is an important neurotransmitter apparently associated to OCD and related disorders. Therefore, we may infer that serotonin and dopamine may influence the mechanism of hoarding.

In tiny amounts, serotonin exerts a powerful influence in the mechanisms of behaviors and mood regulation. In order to break down serotonin into its byproducts, vitamin B6 is required. A faulty
serotonin mechanism may contribute to OCD and its related disorders. Interestingly a deficiency in vitamin B6 causes rats to hoard (Gross and Cohn 1954).

Can we conclude that a surplus or deficit of these major neurotransmitters causes hoarding? There is no direct evidence that supports this hypotheses, but we do know that dopamine and serotonin are very important in the mechanism of OCD. We certainly know that within OCD there are many cases of hoarding, which further reinforces this hypothesis. It is possible that the correlation between OC and
hoarding indicates there are chemical similarities as well. This is an area of research that needs more work.

Humor, COH-Style

From Norse, March 2006:

I don't know why but this just popped into my head.
Along the lines of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck"

You might be a hoarder. ...
If your son comes to dig out your house and you make sure to give him his "Golf tip a day" calendar Christmas gift, but the calendar is from 2003..... you may be a hoarder.

If your family has to buy industrial strength air masks to safely enter your house..... you may be a hoarder.

If having smokers light up inside the house actually improves the smell.... you may be a hoarder.

If the carpet gets pulled up and there is a damp stain all around where your chair was, and you blame it on the dog that has been dead for almost 30 years.... you might be a hoarder.

If your son asks his brother if he's checked the fridge, and as he reaches for the door his brother screams NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!..... you might be a hoarder.

[From Nash]
If you just bought 6 new cookbooks, and have 5 bundt pans all in the original packaging, but neither your stove nor your oven have been used since 1993..... you might be a hoarder.

If your son gets a full collection of Harry Potter books off the floor to give to a neighbor kid, and you still have another complete set on the floor..... you might be a hoarder.

If you think the empty Cottenelle wipes boxes make great jewelry boxes, and that the 200 plastic medication cups you brought home from the hospital are wonderful measuring tools that you hand out to all your friends..... you may be a hoarder.

If you have a complete set of home recorded VHS tapes of Remington Steele, and a complete commercially available set of the same episodes....you may be a hoarder.

If you have 5, gallon size, ziploc bags of 30 complete sets each of "high quality" plastic ware from your favorite chinese restaurant, and you are working on bag number 6, and you eat chinese food with your own ivory chopsticks.... you may be a hoarder.

[New one]
If you wear Depends because you are pretty sure that you can't safely get to the bathroom in 5 minutes.... you may be a hoarder.

norsefoxworthy
C.R.A.P.P.Y.
-Dream sweet dreams of safe parents and visible floors.-Norse

If you threw away a used up stick of deodorant, right in the trash, and a few days later you find it back in the bathroom on the shelf....
You might be the CHILD of a hoarder! (donna)

Some vocabulary made up in the COH Yahoo Group:

Crapalanche: When the mounds move all on their own (Thanks Elizabeth!)

Plexiture: Furniture made out of see-through plexiglass, like dressers, so hoarders can see their things inside.

Slope-Hope: An imaginery adhesive slope for purchase to attach to flat surfaces so the crap just slides off right into a box positioned at the bottom

crapabonanza: What arrives with the hoarder in the car when they come visit you. Can also occur on holidays or at the mention of something you or your kids *might* need.

Crapacity: As in, "my mom's house doesn't have the crapacity to hold anymore crap.

crapaganda: the junk mail that never gets thrown away

crapalapadingdong: What you call a box of those little cupcake things called Ding-Dongs from 1974 when you finally find them 30 years later all petrified under a heap.

crapalicious: how those Ding-Dongs would taste when you found them.

crapalier: Someone who walks down each of the aisles at a Thrift Store scanning each item with a fine tooth eyeball

Crapalyst: A garage sale or any item on the side of the road free for the taking

crapamongers: they can be found loading the items off the side of the road into their vehicle

crapanese: What you are eating if you are eating it from washed-out to-go food containers.

crapapple: Any food item you may find in the bottom of a hoard pile but aren't quite able to place what it used to be.

craparoni: When there are more than 9 colanders in a kitchen, 8 of them are for this purpose, making craparoni.

crapassination: If you haven't slept in your bed or have only used part of it, for over 7 years because of the stuff on it, you have this malady.

Crapateria: When you can't eat on your kitchen table because it's covered with a mound of stuff, this is what it is.

crapatory: Any hoarders basement or attic *shudder*

From Albino Squid :
I would like to submit "squoard" into our lexicon. That's short for a squalorous hoard, or my parent's house. Heh.

From member, Showey: A Craptionary

Foodnami: Tidal wave of frozen items released when the freezer door pops open.

Craplitter: When the cat box filling is gone and the cats are using crap to cover their crap.

List of more crappy vocab.:

ACRAPULATE(TM) a · crap' · u · late - v. 1. To acquire or collect an array of items of little value. 2. To purchase quantities of items of only collectible value. 3. To purchase quantities of items and merchandise at prices below market value. 4. To hold or store items acquired through acrapulation.

ACRAPSODY n. A state of near-ecstatic bliss achieved when an individual attends a flea market, garage sale or estate sale where the items for sale are plentiful, and the seller does not know their actual value. (submitted by Marilyn D. Davis "collector & author" - Chicago, IL)

ACRAPOLOGY n. The scientific study of the human need or desire to collect and accumulate, especially items of little value.

ACRAPORIUM n. A place where crap merchandise is sold to the public, usually enclosed, such as a store, enclosed mall, or inside flea market.

ACRAPUCHILD n. A youngster who collects meaningless junk. 2. All kids. Var. Acrapukid

ACRAPUCOPIA n. A site or location for an abundance of low cost, limited utility items for purchase.

ACRAPUCRAFT n. The art of making things out of found objects.

ACRAPUHAUL n. The vehicle used to transport the many small inexpensive used items purchased at garage or estate sales, auctions or secondhand stores.

ACRAPUKIT n. A portable tote or container to carry various items useful in the pursuit of purchases at garage and estate sales, auctions and secondhand stores.

ACRAPULATE v. 1. To acquire or collect an array of items of little value. 2. To purchase quantities of items of only collectible value. 3. To purchase quantities of items and merchandise at prices below market value. 4. to amass items of similar style, theme, use or appearance. Also, acrapulated, acrapulating, acrapulates

ACRAPULATION n. 1. The custom of acquiring or possessing goods of little value, little need, previously used, or at greatly reduced cost. 2. Collection of items of nominal value. 3. Collection of useless items, often similar or of similar categories.

ACRAPULATION SYNDROME n. Mental disorder associated with the excessive acquisition and accumulation of items of little value.

ACRAPULATOR n. 1. A person who accumulates substantial collections of nominal-cost items. 2. A person who collects crap.

ACRAPULOOTING n. To acquire lots of stuff by taking it from homes and businesses during periods of emergency or civil outbreak.

ACRAPUMAP n. Map specifically marked to indicate sites of garage and estate sales, and plot the most efficient course to reach them.

ACRAPUPHILE n. A person with an abnormally strong desire to collect items of little value.

ACRAPUPHOBE n. 1. A person who has an aversion to owning possessions, especially large numbers of small or inexpensive items. 2. A person fearful of purchasing at auctions, garage and yard sales, estate sales and secondhand shops. 3. Any person living with an acrapuphile.

ACRAPUROUTE n. The travel course plotted on an acrapumap to provide the most direct travel routes to reach as many garage or estates sales as possible before closing times.

ACRAPUSALE n. A sale where items of limited value are offered and sold at greater reductions in cost.

ACRAPUSEUM (a crap’ u see um) n. A building or room in which collections are maintained and publicly displayed.

ACRAPUSHOOT n. An event at which someone uses personal items of little value for target practice. (submitted by Marilyn D. Davis "collector & author" - Chicago, IL)

ACRAPUSIN n. The religious or moral transgression of acquiring, desiring or having excessive possessions.

ACRAPUSWAP v. The act of trading acquired items with others, usually at the site of purchase.

ACRAPUTOTE n. A container for carrying crap purchased at garage sales, etc.

ACRAPUTRASHING v. To acquire articles from discarded garbage.

ACRAPUTREASURE n. An item of significant value purchased, wittingly or unwittingly, at extremely low price.

CRAPBOOK n. A blank book in which a person places an assortment of useless keepsakes with little monetary value.

CRAPSAKE n. 1. An item kept as a remembrance that has little or no sentimental, intrinsic or market value. 2. Slang variation of the word “keepsake.”

DECRAPULATE v. 1. Act of removing or disposing of possessions of little value or excessive quantity. 2. To sell off items by mass sale, such as auction or garage sale. 3. To discard quantities of items by donation to social welfare agencies or church rummage sales.

PROCRAPULATE v. 1. Postpone getting rid of acrapulated items. 2. Deffered decrapulation. (submitted by David Springer "attorney" - Chicago, IL)

These actually came from the Squalor Survivors website:

Bindependence Day - The day the trash goes out.

Buyopsy - Critique, examine, or review recent purchases.

Carbage - The trash found in your car.

Christmess - The stuff that's all over the carpet after Christmas.

Destinesia - Going into another room and forgetting why you went there.

Dirsty - Dirty and dusty.

Dishful thinking - Hoping someone else would do the dishes.

Fernident - Dents furniture leaves in your carpet.

Vacustipation - The condition your vacuum cleaner is in when you suck up a sock.

Wrapture - Overwhelmed by giftwrap.

-----------------
From member: "Elizabeth":

Hoarder-nonhoarder translations...

"I'm still in the process of going through that pile"
means
"This pile will be twice as large next time you see it"

"I threw away a lot of stuff last week" means
"A few things accidentally went out with the trash before I could rescue them"

COH Convention
A Crap-load of fun for everyone!
Filthadelphia, PA

Our registration desk could be a Christmas craft fair booth covered in needlepoint wall hangings to buy with the saying 'Find the good in everything and then stuff it in your house'. The name tags could
be made out of letters cut ransom-style from old Readers Digests from 1965.

They could get escorted in to the convention room by junk-males. As they enter, there could be a big sign for them to see "Senior Citizen Discount 10%, Buy One Get One Free, Today Only, Exclusive
One-Time Offering, Must Act Now. Proceeds go to the church". There is crap for sale everywhere. They are all energized, filling bags, dancing-cartwheels even, woo-hoo!

A group of mess-icians could be on the stage with Messica Simpson singing. Awards are given out for "Junk-In-Her-Trunk", "Junk-in-The- Top-Bunk". When they are totally mess-merized...
BOOM! A curtain comes down, everything turns minimilistic and you could walk out with a white lab coat and be on the bullhorn saying "Put. The. Booty. Down. I repeat, Put. It. Down."

Then you could welcome them to the Psychological Crap-atory and open it by reading all your posts here. Suddenly eyes will start darting around in ADD-fashion, some will fall asleep from the sudden
depression and about half will go the manic side of bi-polar and flail their arms running around and the other half will start bawling from the depressive side.

Then the C.I.A. (Children Intervention Army) marches out single file and we each read our respective posts until they can't take the torture and confess to what REALLY causes them to hoard and we all
write a book with the answers and live happily ever after.

Secret handshake:

It's like a regular handshake but you first must mime taking off a pair of protactive goggles, an air filter mask, and your elbow length rubber gloves.

Our secret anthem:
Ground Control to Major Tom by David Bowie

Motto:
If we can throw it away without getting caught, we will.

Latin phrase:
Crappius Evictus Eternium

Mantra (to be used only when the panic inside you reaches epic proportions):
Flooooooor, Flooooooooooor, Flooooooooooor

Coming soon, our song, with lyrics to the tune of "My Favorite Things"

Norse

Songs re-worked by COH

Where you only see the titles are songs that Donna stupidly deleted by accident. I promise that will never happen again, ever! With that said, Do YOU have a song to add?

For The Child At Heart

One Little Two Little Three Little Canning Jars
By Showey:
A new twist on an old favorite:

One little, two little, three little canning jars
Four little, five little, six little canning jars
Seven little, eight little, nine little canning jars
Ten little canning jars.
Eleven little, twelve little, thirty little canning jars

Sixty little, eighty little, ninety little canning jars
Four hundred, five hundred, six hundred canning jars
One thousand little canning jars.
-----------
Michael, try to find the floor, hallelujah

------------
Ring around the shower
One for the little kids in our families. Don't forget to slip and fall at the end!-By Showey

Ring around the shower,
Move bottles for an hour.
Shampoo, shampoo!
It all falls down!
-------------------------

Girl Scout Song
Mary Had a Little Lamp
That Old Storage Unit Back Home
Dad's been churnin' up his trash pile, All the live long day.
S/he's got the whole world in hers-his house!
If you're hoarding and you know it CLEAN IT UP (by Elizabeth)
Something's in the kitchen with Hoarder. Something's in the kitchen, I know. Something's in the kitchen with Hoarder -Chewing on a stale Eggo.

Songs To Clean By
I've Been Working on Decluttering (by Leslie)

Car Songs
99 piles of trash on the floor, (by Gwyneth)
10 tons of trash on the floor (by norse)

The Beatles
Let It Be- (by norse)

When I find myself in piles of garbage
and my children come to me
Let us help you clean up. It was free

I'm sitting in the darkness
Since they have cut my electricity
Let us clean up for you. It was free

It was free. It was free.
It was free now it was free
Don't you throw that stuff out. Let it be.

And when my kids are poor and needy
they will come on bended knee
Can we have that old lamp. It was free.

And once they see that I was smarter
Saving all the stuff they'd need
They will be so grateful. It was free.

It was free. It was free.
It was free now it was free
Don't you throw that stuff out. Let it be.
----------------------------------------

A Day In the Life, by norse
"Woke up, slid out of bed,
Had some crap fall on my head.
Tried to get up but it weighed too much,
The piles were shaking and I was afraid to touch.
AAAAAhhhhhhhhhh, aaaahhhhh aahhhhh aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh,
aaahhh aaahhhh aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh,
aaahhh aaahhhh aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

That's all for that one. I have to figure out the verses.

--------------------------------
Paperback Hoarder (by norse)

Dear Sir or Madam will you guard my hoard
My house is now so full, I can't close the door
It all got started when I learned to read
And I knew at once, that I would be a paperback hoarder
Paperback hoarder!!!

It's a dirty story of a dirty man
My wife and kids, they don't understand
I got a job with a publisher
It's the perfect place if you want to be a paperback hoarder
Paperback hoarder!!!!

Paperback hoarder

The basements full and the bedrooms too
but if you take one of mine I'll take a piece of you
The den is full and the kitchens next
I'm going to fill the house but I'll always be a paperback hoarder
Paperback hoarder.

I'm always there at the used book sale
My eyes get so big and my skin goes pale
I'll keep on buying every book I can find
Don't try to stop me know 'cause I'll always be a paperback hoarder
Paperback hoarder

Paperback hoarder

Paperback hoarder

Paperback hoarder

Paperback hoarder

Hymns
This is my father's hoard
How Great the Start

The Rolling Stones

You Can't Always Get What You Want/Rolling Stones
She Can't Get No, Satiation (by Donna)

For The Patriotic:
Battle Hymn of Public Storage
Yankee Hoarder came from town -With junk to hide a pony. He stuck a feather on a shelf, next to some macaroni.
When The State Comes Marching In

CHRISTMAS SONGS
Walking on The Only Empty Tile (inspired by: Walking in a Winter Wonderland)
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas (Everywhere else you go
Up on the housetop
It's The Most Hoarding Filled Time That We Fear
Rudolf, the Worst-case Packrat
AN AVALANCHE IS HEADED THIS WAY (Inspired by: Santa Claus is Coming To Town)

HOARDOPOLY
From various:

>instead of erecting houses, there should be miniature piles of
newspapers, and instead of hotels, brown irregularly shaped cubes (overstuffed and collapsing cardboard boxes)

>instead of COMMUNITY CHEST, it would COMMUNITY THRIFT
instead of CHANCE? it would be MAIL? (and you would hoard the cards instead of 'churning' them to the bottom of the pile)

>instead of getting those cards that send you to JAIL, it should have
a card that reads 'Your house has been cleaned! Go directly to the
CLEAN HOUSE! Once there you will have three chances to roll doubles and earn your right to fire the maid and continue cluttering.
Otherwise, you will have to pay her salary plus severence in order to
leave."

>WATER WORKS should be WATER LEAKS

>ELECTRIC COMPANY should be ELECTRICITY CUT OFF

>saving it all for later-READING RAILROAD

>PARK your junk car PLACE

>B.O. RAILROAD (note: no ampersand)

>unpaid UTILITIES

>MARVINS dead flower GARDENS

>My game piece will be the SHOE. The only one left of the pair that
no longer is.

>How about Park your butt in the chair and scream at everyone Place.

>BOARD up the house because there's no room to WALK

>Income Tax??? Oh I haven't paid those in years because I can't find
any of my information. I'm sure I don't owe anything anyway.

>Free???? Oh my gosh I need three of those!!!! Parking

>Oriental to go boxes all over the floor Avenue.

>Vermont "Oh that reminds me. I only have four unopened bottles of
syrup, I need some more." Avenue

>States "Oh, I have been collecting quarters from each state for you. I have one of every mint of every state so far. And I bought you these 3 maps to plug them into." Avenue

>Oh, and my token would be a trash bag instead of the money bag.